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Your not the first to be disappointed by the readings of the toilet. Elvis's wife Pressilla was often disappointed.
There are certain moments when your heart stops beating. Each of these moments is a "near death" experience. Many of them are quite pleasurable -like an orgasm (called a "little death" or petite mort by the French).
A more common death like occurance happens when we are moving our bowels. It's one of the reason that Elvis died the way he did. His heart stopped beating mid bowel movement and never started again. Some say that his final grunt was somewhat musical...
Nevertheless, I had a near death experience when I was on the toilet. I was pushing hard and the loaf must have been the size of a softball or a baby's head. It was halfway out when I became aware of a distant light beyond my bathroom ceiling. I made the mistake of focusing on that for a moment and I fell forward. My head hit my bathtub and I remember that I my awareness was still on the light. I looked down and I saw my body beneath me.
So I floated there for a moment or so and I heard a voice.
"What about the others..." I thought about my wife and my baby girl. I thought about my friends, my fellow tfpers and all the little ones that depend on me. -No, I wouldn't flush this life just yet. Bam, just like that I was back in my body. I had quite a bloody fecal mess to clean up.
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