Hektare, that was a really good comment about spending time with her even if she says no. I hadn't even thought of it but it's a really good point. I had a boyfriend once who would ignore me unless I agreed to have sex with him. It felt like emotional blackmail--even though he never physically pressured or forced me, I knew I was not going to get love and attention if I refused and therefore I could not refuse.
Confuzed, I was actually talking about handjobs for YOU :P If you are just too horny to wait another minute and yet she does not want to make love, she might be happy to please you some other way. Make sure to express your enjoyment and appreciation with enthusiasm so she feels good about it. Who knows, she may even find it empowering!
Also, and this is just a thought here, feel free to reject it--what if you took her shopping online for a really nice vibrator? One that is pretty, has sparkles, looks like a bunny or a dolphin. Something that does not look scary or lewd, and that she likes. Don't forget the lube, too. Then let her use it on herself. That way she can pracise enjoying the sensation of penetration and pressure, and start to regain "ownership" of her body and her pleasure. I think she might be feeling pretty disenfranchised, like her sexual body does not belong to her.
anyway, just an idea. If you suggest it to her, be prepared for her to refuse, FYI. She might feel like only bad girls use vibrators, that her vagina and her pleasure are somehow shameful (a common problem). Therapy should help with that problem, though.
Non-scary vibrators:
http://www.goodvibes.com/Item--i-1-2-AH-0209--m-35
http://www.goodvibes.com/Item--i-1-2-AH-0207--m-35
http://www.goodvibes.com/Item--i-1-7-DE-0405--m-35
Good lube is crucial:
http://www.goodvibes.com/Item--i-22FL10--m-26