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I think your thread title really sums up whats going on here.... you're trying to "get him to go the extra mile". As a man who has been on the receiving end of that sort of sentiment on occasion I'll tell you what that sounds like in my head: You're trying to figure out how to make your SO do something you want. However, I'm sure that it has been said in your discussions that you don't really want him to do it, you want him to WANT to do it. The problem is, that doesn't really work, and in my experience only causes resentment.
When you talk to him and lay out your list that you wish he would do more, does he respond with things that he wishes you would do more?
If you want him to go out of his way to make you feel special, you're going to have to go out of your way to make him feel special. You're also going to have to pay attention to what you are doing, and see that it really IS making him feel special, and isn't just making YOU feel like you're doing something special for him.
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Anamnesis
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