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Originally Posted by Halx
stevie, roundness is easy. Knead meat in your hands until there are no more folds. Slap it onto a plate and squish it a little. Press down with one hand and pat the sides in while turning the plate in a circular manner. You will then have a compact, disc-shaped hamburger patty.
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And yay did the lord spake down unto mathius, whenst thou hast thy meat, use thine hands, that i have given, to squish it into a ball, smush it then as thou would smush satans followers.
So smush mathius did, bade on by the words of the lord, until at the 7th hour he had created his burger in the image of his world, and blessed was it. Upon a pre-heated grill he placed it, seen by the wise men, with salt, pepper and a light garnish of extra virgin olive oil glazed on the top, not too much or it might ruin the flavour, but just enough to cook well, it cooked.
For time it cooked, and cooked well, until the miracle was finished, from a simple pack of mince, and burger to feed the five thousand starving people had emerged, blessed and holy in nature.
But nay, mathius felt his own hunger creep up upon him. He spake to his lord, oh why must i feed this to thy flock, when it is mineself that is so hungry?
The lord pondered, and paused from cooking his own burger, and bade a tome of rejoycment unto mathius.
For thou hast followed my word exactly, and thou hast created a burger worthy of my love, as i love all that lays before me, all that i have created. Eat and be merry mathius, for thou hast deserveth thy burger.
And it was that mathius ate, and was full, a mighty burger he had consumeth, and another he could not make until he found some change and went down to the shops to buy another packet of mince, but he was sated.
Amen.