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Ganguro · 05-30-2003, 04:13 AM

I like Asians, but perhaps for a different reason than most. I have a particular fondness for the chinese and japanese ones because they are in my bloodline. I feel cheated somewhat out on all that good "sterotypical asian upbringing" because my parents wanted me to grow up "normal" and never really taught me a whole lot about my heritage.

We're a big ol mix of a lot of ethnicities in my family, and rather than focus on one they just didnt talk about it. My grandma was cherokee indian.. did i get any info on that? nope.. Couldn't even get a tribe number to go to schol for cheap. A good portion of my family is dark skinned, and because there is a large percentage of african american in my bloodline we associate with that the most. Also my parents grew up around blacks, and in places where if you looked black you got treated that way.

Back in the 50's my dad had a really hard time growing up and has passed a lot of those fucked up racial biases off to me (i'm working through it though). You try being the only "black kid" with almond eyes, olive skin and blonde hair.. It just didn't work out that well. He lived in the south too.. so he couldnt go in black only places without troluble, but he sure as hell couldnt pass off for white. This created a desire to not learn about his heriutage..despite the fact that he should have been proud to be a mixture of so many good cultures.
*shrug* Fast forward 20 years when im born. Imagine going to a family reunion where everyone looked different. There were different languages and dialects being spoken. I was fascinated by it all, but since my parents didnt want me to grow up confused they never talked about it. In my family we were all related and loved each other..no need to talk about race and culture.. but when i started publ;ic school I got a taste of how the world is sometimes.
"why is your dad so much lighter than you" "what's wrong with your hair" " why does your mom look that way?" I totally was not prepared for all that. the kids at school had me thoroughly convinced that I was adopted because I couldnt possibly be my parents child. They ethnicly looked nothing like me. I was totally devestated.

Ever since then I vowed to learn more about my various heritages and cultures. It made me ashamed and upset to be labled "black" because I knew i was more than that.. I tried to tell anyone who would listen. I spoiled many a black history presentation when i was in elementary school

I read book upon book about japan and chine where my dad lived for years before i was born. I talked to my grandmother about the reservation and even talked to my great grandparents about how it was to be herded into cities and adopting the anglo american and christian lifestyles to survive.

I guess i'm somewhat at peace with it now, but I still feel shafted about the asian thing. So it's my goal in life to learn as much as i can about various asian cultures (hell im thinking about picking up a second B.S. in asian studeis) and maybe finally i'll be at peace with myself.

Not quite the answer you were looking for is it? Sorry for writing a friggin book here..

05-30-2003, 04:13 AM	#49 (permalink)
Ganguro Army of Me	I like Asians, but perhaps for a different reason than most. I have a particular fondness for the chinese and japanese ones because they are in my bloodline. I feel cheated somewhat out on all that good "sterotypical asian upbringing" because my parents wanted me to grow up "normal" and never really taught me a whole lot about my heritage. We're a big ol mix of a lot of ethnicities in my family, and rather than focus on one they just didnt talk about it. My grandma was cherokee indian.. did i get any info on that? nope.. Couldn't even get a tribe number to go to schol for cheap. A good portion of my family is dark skinned, and because there is a large percentage of african american in my bloodline we associate with that the most. Also my parents grew up around blacks, and in places where if you looked black you got treated that way. Back in the 50's my dad had a really hard time growing up and has passed a lot of those fucked up racial biases off to me (i'm working through it though). You try being the only "black kid" with almond eyes, olive skin and blonde hair.. It just didn't work out that well. He lived in the south too.. so he couldnt go in black only places without troluble, but he sure as hell couldnt pass off for white. This created a desire to not learn about his heriutage..despite the fact that he should have been proud to be a mixture of so many good cultures. shrug Fast forward 20 years when im born. Imagine going to a family reunion where everyone looked different. There were different languages and dialects being spoken. I was fascinated by it all, but since my parents didnt want me to grow up confused they never talked about it. In my family we were all related and loved each other..no need to talk about race and culture.. but when i started publ;ic school I got a taste of how the world is sometimes. "why is your dad so much lighter than you" "what's wrong with your hair" " why does your mom look that way?" I totally was not prepared for all that. the kids at school had me thoroughly convinced that I was adopted because I couldnt possibly be my parents child. They ethnicly looked nothing like me. I was totally devestated. Ever since then I vowed to learn more about my various heritages and cultures. It made me ashamed and upset to be labled "black" because I knew i was more than that.. I tried to tell anyone who would listen. I spoiled many a black history presentation when i was in elementary school I read book upon book about japan and chine where my dad lived for years before i was born. I talked to my grandmother about the reservation and even talked to my great grandparents about how it was to be herded into cities and adopting the anglo american and christian lifestyles to survive. I guess i'm somewhat at peace with it now, but I still feel shafted about the asian thing. So it's my goal in life to learn as much as i can about various asian cultures (hell im thinking about picking up a second B.S. in asian studeis) and maybe finally i'll be at peace with myself. Not quite the answer you were looking for is it? Sorry for writing a friggin book here..