Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - There must be something seriously wrong with me

Jizzosh · 05-29-2003, 11:28 PM

Lowdown on yet another similar guy to suffer the same youth experiences... friends abandoned me around 4th grade, sat on the outside of social circles until around 8th grade, didn't get the attention my friends did from the girls... I thought I was ugly, too tall, too heavy, etc. You name it.
I built this incredible negative image of myself that lasted throughout highschool. Even though I played football freshman year and was in great shape. When I stopped, the lack of exercise turned the muscle to fat, and I ballooned to 230 lbs over the highschool years. After highschool, I became anorexic (sp?) and lost 50 lbs, in the most unhealthy way, which made me look sickly, etc. and being 6' 3" and 180 lbs, I still thought I was fat, ugly, etc.
Ok, that was at 18. I worked a full time job, with the next youngest co-worker being 23, and the next above him, 33. No social opportunities there. Long story short, I started hanging out at a coffee shop, didn't talk much, unless I was comfortable with the subject, and people got used to my presence. I found it extremely hard to feel confident about myself, because I still saw a 230 lb, ugly image, no matter what I really was. So I couldn't even fake confidence. What I did, was just say f*ck it. I figured I wouldn't get a girlfriend, but I at least wanted to be talked to and touched, whether handshakes or hugs or whatever, so I slowly made friends. Friends make you feel human, fill you with life, and show you who you really are. That brings confidence, and that confidence begins to brighten your face, and people notice. And then everything begins to come together.
Trust me, I didn't have a serious girlfriend until I was 20 (also when I lost the Virgin stink), and I didn't have a girlfriend at all through highschool, and I thought I never would.
Funny thing is, that when you get a girlfriend, the things people say about confidence will truly make sense, because the stories are true. After I began to consumate my relationship and feel good about myself, every girl I thought I could never have noticed and would flirt with me, without any trying on my part. So hang in there, and if all else fails, move to a younger city. I had the benefit of growing up in Las Vegas, so being a youthful town, there was always something to be done with people my age, but every town has it's foutain of youth.

Sorry for the length, but I feel for you. I'm 23 now, and I still don't know shit, but I know more than I did when I felt like I used to, and you'll be fine, and probably end up with some hottie that makes both the men and women on this board jealous, lol.

Good luck

05-29-2003, 11:28 PM	#26 (permalink)
Jizzosh Insane Location: Beijing, China	Lowdown on yet another similar guy to suffer the same youth experiences... friends abandoned me around 4th grade, sat on the outside of social circles until around 8th grade, didn't get the attention my friends did from the girls... I thought I was ugly, too tall, too heavy, etc. You name it. I built this incredible negative image of myself that lasted throughout highschool. Even though I played football freshman year and was in great shape. When I stopped, the lack of exercise turned the muscle to fat, and I ballooned to 230 lbs over the highschool years. After highschool, I became anorexic (sp?) and lost 50 lbs, in the most unhealthy way, which made me look sickly, etc. and being 6' 3" and 180 lbs, I still thought I was fat, ugly, etc. Ok, that was at 18. I worked a full time job, with the next youngest co-worker being 23, and the next above him, 33. No social opportunities there. Long story short, I started hanging out at a coffee shop, didn't talk much, unless I was comfortable with the subject, and people got used to my presence. I found it extremely hard to feel confident about myself, because I still saw a 230 lb, ugly image, no matter what I really was. So I couldn't even fake confidence. What I did, was just say f*ck it. I figured I wouldn't get a girlfriend, but I at least wanted to be talked to and touched, whether handshakes or hugs or whatever, so I slowly made friends. Friends make you feel human, fill you with life, and show you who you really are. That brings confidence, and that confidence begins to brighten your face, and people notice. And then everything begins to come together. Trust me, I didn't have a serious girlfriend until I was 20 (also when I lost the Virgin stink), and I didn't have a girlfriend at all through highschool, and I thought I never would. Funny thing is, that when you get a girlfriend, the things people say about confidence will truly make sense, because the stories are true. After I began to consumate my relationship and feel good about myself, every girl I thought I could never have noticed and would flirt with me, without any trying on my part. So hang in there, and if all else fails, move to a younger city. I had the benefit of growing up in Las Vegas, so being a youthful town, there was always something to be done with people my age, but every town has it's foutain of youth. Sorry for the length, but I feel for you. I'm 23 now, and I still don't know shit, but I know more than I did when I felt like I used to, and you'll be fine, and probably end up with some hottie that makes both the men and women on this board jealous, lol. Good luck __________________ I'm never gonna know you now... but I'm gonna love you anyhow -Elliott Smith