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This has gotten really convoluted since I last stuck my head into this thread. abaya doesn't need my rescuing here, but I'm going to say my piece anyway.
Here's the bottom line: nobody gets to call "rape" but the victim. When the victim calls "rape", it's rape, and not until.
abaya isn't calling "rape". Any opinion to the contrary is meaningless.
abaya is causing for herself a transformative experience of this difficult event in her life. What is occasioning that is, she is sharing it openly with others, and she is taking responsibility for her agency in the matter. She isn't blaming herself or the guy. She understands and, to whatever degree is necessary, forgives him. Her next step will be to release herself from any lingering regret about it, and allowing it to be just another of the many experiences that contribute to who she is as a person--in other words, to grow from it rather than shrinking from it.
To those who seem to insist she view it some particular way, I respectfully say: knock it off. abaya is processing this on her own timeline, and when she comes fully out the other side of it, she'll be a bigger and stronger person for it. Please stop trying to turn her into the victim of something. She's much MUCH bigger than that.
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