As these experiences were getting more frequent and more intense, I was praying for divine revelation of what these experiences actually were. Were they a manifestation of my sub-consciousness, or were they truly supernatural? And if they were truly supernatural, then what was their source: a ghost? a demonic (or angelic) spirit? or something else?
It had occurred to me that the voice used most frequently by the "apparition", visiting me in the night or pre-dawn, sounded familiar. I was reminded of a women who I had lived with and had been deeply in love with, a decade ago. My relationship with this woman was one of the most – if not
the most – intense and passionate I've ever had. (BTW: I've been married twice; the first time, for nearly 9 years; the second time, for over 7 years, so far. And during the 4-year span between those marriages, I lived with this woman whom I'm talking about, for nearly 2 years.) But when these strange experiences began, I had not had any contact with this woman for nearly eight years. She had gotten married and moved away, out of state, and I did not have her address or phone number, or even her e-mail address.
Well, as these experiences grew more frequent and intense, and as they became sexual in nature, I began to have dreams about this former lover of mine, and during my waking hours I found myself thinking about her. And then I began to wonder if (assuming these experiences were indeed supernatural) that she had recently died and was somehow contacting me from the Other Side. So, I tried looking for her, through the Internet. I used google to search for her name and whereabouts, but I didn't find anything useful.
And then, a few days later, I get this e-mail from out of the blue – it was from her! She had done the same thing as I had, using google to search for my name and whereabouts; only, her search was successful.
As it turned out, this woman was going through a divorce and she had been thinking about me an awful lot, remembering fondly our lives together, with its many deeply passionate and intimate moments. And, yes, she was wondering if I was available.
But I was not available, as I made clear to this woman through our subsequent e-mail correspondences. I'm re-married now, and intend to remain so. Furthermore, I have a 7-year-old daughter (from this marriage) who I cherish. I'm not about to jeopardize any of that.
Thus, nothing really came out of this re-connection through the Internet with my former lover. We never moved beyond e-mail correspondences; not even a phone call. And already, we've fallen out of contact again; she's moved on, with her life. And, so... What to make out of all this?
Shrug.
I still believe, for the most part, that what I was experiencing was a form of "sleep paralyses dreams". But the strange thing is, those experiences pretty much stopped right after I got in contact with this former lover of mine. And there seems to be too much that happened here for me to shrug off as mere coincidence.