Gilda, no correction here, you had it right. There were multiple acts, he told me, though the only one I was sobering up to was the one in the shower.
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Originally Posted by smooth
I may be reacting to what appears to be people bandwagoning in a different direction and me left in the wind explaining how I could be so insensative as to not comprehend how this guy is a total asshole, when in reality no one on here knows a single effn thing about what happened other than what you're putting out there.
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I can accept that as a reason for your defense. I just do not appreciate your assumption that I am somehow deliberately obscuring things, as if I have some kind of motive for doing so. I am telling the story as I know it, and as it comes back to me from whatever corner I shoved it into 3 years ago to not have to think about it in detail anymore. Yes, that means the story comes in bits and pieces, but that is often how traumatic events are recalled. I have not thought about the event in this much detail since it happened. But everything I said here was true to what the guy told me, and to my bits of memory toward the morning.
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Originally Posted by smooth
all I said was that you were responsible for losing your virginity. and that was based off you saying you were conscious and enjoying sex in the shower until you realized you weren't with your friend.
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You've got it wrong here. You are leaving out the blackout portion of it, and I see that as key. I was not passed out, but I was not making "conscious" decisions at any point the whole night. The first real decision that *I* made was to get the hell out of that shower... it was not a conscious decision to enjoy the sex, it was not a conscious decision to think that I was having sex with my friend. When I was shifting from the blacked-out me (enjoying the shower, also thinking it was with someone I knew) to the ME I know (which again, took about 30 seconds of a literal fog lifting off my brain), I wasn't reacting in "regret" just because I "realized" it wasn't my friend. No. That is a gross misunderstanding. I--the non-blacked-out ME--was reacting in shock to the ENTIRE situation, every single part of it... the whole scene, from the guy to the act to the setting to myself... ALL of it being utterly foreign and involuntary to me. It was as if two different people had passed through the night in the same body, and one of them was knocked out until morning. That is the only way I can explain it, and I don't want to have to explain it again.