abaya

I was not one of those people calling him a rapist. I agreed with my friends IRL. And yet your posts were aimed directly at me in terms of getting me to realize that he was not a rapist. Very frustrating.

And we'll just have to disagree here. I was not 100% responsible for losing my virginity in that manner. I was 100% responsible for getting drunk, that's clear. But by no means was it my conscious, rational choice to have sex, for the first time or the 100th, with a friend or a stranger, in that manner. That was not my choice. Does that make him a rapist? Not to me. Does that make me a victim? Again, not to me. Does that mean I should just chalk it up as another "weekend on the town?" No, and that is something I will not do, and would not have done even if I wasn't a virgin at the time.

Yes, losing my virginity loaded that event down with very heavy emotional implications, but I know myself well enough that if the same event had happened long after I was sexually active, I know it would have disturbed me very deeply. You don't know me well enough to contradict that fact, I'm afraid.

Just wanted to note that I am aware of this, and made note of it in my journal but not here. I apologize for taking this thread off-track... at first my experience seemed very relevant, but I realized at one point that perhaps a new thread was in order. But by that time the two topics were rather tangled and it seemed alright to just go on ahead as it was. I do hope that my semi-related situation has cast light on just how tricky it is to make an accusation of rape when it is not a clear innocence vs. guilty party situation, which is often the case (especially with HS and college-age women)... and how difficult it really is to make that call, both personally and legally.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran