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Originally Posted by smooth
But the fact remains, that when you claim in a response to me that you never, ever asked for anyone to see you as a victim, yet in a response to sultana that you just can't bring yourself to let the guy off the hook, then you are giving mixed signals to the board--or at least to me.
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Smooth, I'm sincerely sorry if this is confusing... but honestly, to me, it is a case of two people being responsible for two stupid decisions. I am not a victim, but that doesn't mean the guy is 100% innocent, either. That is my point... that no one is 100% innocent. I feel that since you think I'm putting some of the responsibility on the guy, then you think that I'm someone asking to be recognized as a victim. And that is the kind of all or nothing thinking that I am not interested in, regarding this situation. No one was innocent, as I see it. Does that mean one or both people were 100% guilty? Not by my logic, though I'm afraid that is what you are reading into it.
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Originally Posted by smooth
You should have never placed yourself in that situation.
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... look man, have I ever argued with you on this point? I feel like you are trying to hammer it into my head that it was my responsibility to get drunk, when I admitted that fact right from the beginning.
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Originally Posted by abaya
However, I do not see myself as some "victim" in that situation. I put myself there, and I made choices that allowed a series of events to take place.
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I'm beginning to think that your impression is that it's
all my fault that I lost my virginity that night, when in fact there were two people involved, and two people making decisions. I don't understand why you want to absolve the guy from all wrongdoing, when it's obvious that bad decisions were made on both sides.
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Originally Posted by smooth
if that night, instead of having sex with him, you had given him $10,000 dollars. Would he be a thief?
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The analogy would be more complete if you said that I had $10,000 in my pocket, and the guy found it and asked me (while I was drunk), "Hey, do you mind if I borrow this for a while?" And in my drunken state, after vomiting, I said "Well... okay." (without having any memory of the situation). Obviously, it would have been my responsibility for losing the money because I got drunk in the first place. There is no dispute there. But that doesn't erase his responsibility for being an asshole for taking advantage of someone who was beyond any capacity to make decisions. I did not just say "HI!! Here's $10,000 I'm carrying around, would you like to have it?"
Just because someone has something valuable and does something careless while in possession of it, doesn't mean anyone else has the "right" to take advantage of that situation. I've met plenty of men who would never, ever have sex with a woman who was drunk... most of them are turned off by someone vomiting on them before the act, but there are others who would pursue it anyway. I call the latter assholes, but each to their own.