Thanks, Sultana, for your input. I was hoping that more women would respond...
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Originally Posted by Sultana
However, you know that you were not at all of sound mind. I don't know if that could be legally proven, though.
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I agree. For all the research I've read on blackouts, I don't think any of it will stand up in court yet mostly because the individual always made a choice to begin drinking in the first place, and the responsibility begins there. Blackouts don't happen randomly... there is a cause, and it is alcohol. It is really like an out-of-body experience, though... where someone else comes in and uses you like a puppet, and then you become sober and your real self and memory comes back. That's honestly what it feels like.
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Originally Posted by Sultana
Now honestly, I don't know of many guys who would say, " Oh yeah, I pretty much pressured you into it, and completely disregarded the indications that you weren't completely yourself..." etc. whether from the fact that they don't want to portray themselves that way, or maybe they didn't even see it that way.
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Yeah, exactly... it's why I can't let the guy entirely off the hook, pretty much. The whole vomitous virgin thing that you mentioned... how could I have appeared "cool" with everything, the whole night? The guy said we had "great sex" and said that he had no idea that I was a virgin... he seemed to think I was extraordinarily experienced. I'd barely ever seen a man naked before, let alone done anything further than 2nd base. None of it makes any sense to me.
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Originally Posted by Sultana
In a way, I guess it comes down to: Did he intend to force himself on her regardless? Would he have stopped if she had made the indication or him to?
We'll never know.
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It comes down to those questions, but you're absolutely right in saying that we'll never know the answers. My impression of the guy was that no, he didn't intend to force himself, and yes, he would have stopped if I protested. But then again, I really have no idea and depend entirely on his account.
At times I've been tempted to do anything to get those memories back... be hypnotized, or whatever it took. But the fact remains that during blackout, the hippocampus (memory region of the brain) is completely offline. There ARE no memories to go back to, even if I had a way to regress and do so. The brain simply did not record events during that time.
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Originally Posted by Sultana
However, I'd say this is a persuasive argument that responsible people should take the time to get to know the person with whom they have sex, so they can actually know and be aware if that person is "acting like themselves". That person could be on medications, could be mentally impaired or unstable, could be drunk out of their mind, any number of things that makes the difference from an ill-advised one-night stand or a rape.
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I completely agree with you, but how many people here would stop having a one-night stand to "get to know" someone, in order to make sure that person was of sound mind and would not call "rape" on them the next morning, etc. Many people have one-night stands without a second thought, and then we get situations as with the OP (and I am sure it happens even when people have known each other for a while, as well)... someone calling rape when it was actually consensual, or appeared to be consensual. He-said/she-said. What else can be done...