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abaya, as much as I respect you, I have a hard time understanding how this is a debate in your own mind, much less on the boards. if you drank yourself into a stupor and lost all your money at a casino, I would feel bad you were broke but the thought that you were a victim of theft wouldn't even cross my mind. because this is sex, a number of people seem to be seeing this differently...
the fact of the matter is, if I were that guy from your past, I would be devestated to be reading what I am here. to understand it even better, how would he have prevented the situation? you keep writing that you don't absolve him of taking advantage of you, yet your story as you've described it is some young man meeting a young lady in a bar, who appears conscious and perhaps not even drunk, expresses interest in him sexually, and asks to go to his place to do so. enjoys it, "comes to", exchanges accurate contact information (with a guy who just took advantage of you?--these thoughts seem to come up much later in sequence from this fact), and etc.
there are instances when people put themselves in situations they later regret and the things that happen to them there are deserved or at the very least rest on them. this is a FAR different statement than people who work in risky environments or live in them invite the ills that fall on them. if you dress "like a slut" that is not an invitation to be raped, neither is going to one's room for a nightcap. but abaya has laid out a pretty clear version of the story that indicates she asked, hey, let's go to your place and have sex.
if you drink yourself into a stupor and drive, you may not know that you are doing something wrong because you are so drunk. but the law recognizes you were sober before you drank all that alcohol. abaya explained that she knew she gets wild and does things she ordinarily wouldn't do when she drinks to that point--the responsibility, not 10%, not 50%, but 100% rests on her not to drink herself to that point. things might be different if she could come up with a reason to believe she was drugged or that her drinks were just way past the level of reasonable alcohol percentage...but she hasn't done that so far.
the reason you don't see a whole lot of cases of any kind going to trial is that 90% of them end in plea agreements. there aren't a lot of he said/she said cases going to trial, not because they're so weak to not get prosecuted, but because no sane person is going to face 20-50 years in prison when he can just plea out for a year or two--regardless of evidence. People are convicted everyday for a lot less than a woman's testimony to a crime.
And it's simply not true that you need 12 people unanimously agreeing before someone is convicted. That holds true in many states for capital crimes, but not even in all states. And just because jurors don't convict doesn't mean an acquital. and it never means not guilty. stand trial for rape, get acquitted, and see how everything goes back to normal for you...or not.
as for the OP, I would think that abaya's dilemma over how much responsibility she has over the timeline that led up to her loss of her virginity would fit right into the description of things that need to...well i forget the phrase but basically to own up to one's own responsibility. now had she come to and not been enjoying herself, and immediately said, hey, what the hell am I doing here, stop right now. I would have more tolerance for a rape or even victim label. The only thing she seems a victim of in this instance is poor judgement and good old fashioned regret. and while I respecdt your decision to retain your virginity until marriage or later or whatever, it's simply not fair to the person you engaged in what he and any reasonable person would have assumed was consent and then to later question whether he is or was a rapist. for those of you who seem to be alluding to knowledge on the phenomenon of rape, I'm surprised that no one has reported the very well studyed fact that it's about power and not sex.
there are many reasons for women to falsely report rape. and there are increasing ways for them to do so. there are almost no laws protecting men from rape, being raped, having it said about the interaction after the fact, even to the point that in many jurisdictions it's impossible for men to be raped according to the law on the books.
that said, this law appears to be symbolic. only in the sense that it empowers women to say no and puts wouldbe rapists on notice that they can't entice their dates into a quick "sure, whatever" and have it be all good. if anyone wants to falsely claim a rape, this law isn't going to embolden them to do so any further or make it any easier. it'd probably make the case more difficult and the investigating officer would probaby just guide the lady to be more specific in her account anyway.
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"The theory of a free press is that truth will emerge from free discussion, not that it will be presented perfectly and instantly in any one account." -- Walter Lippmann
"You measure democracy by the freedom it gives its dissidents, not the freedom it gives its assimilated conformists." -- Abbie Hoffman
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