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Yes, my father is a pastor, so leave us say I am somewhat familiar with the interworkings of spirituality. At first it was a reality, as real as the sky or the smile on my face. It was simple and I was unquestioning. Then it moved into a more cerebral area, where I contemplated the meaning of the teachings of Jesus, and eventually I moved on to the teachings of other spiritual leaders like Muhammed and Buddha. I was in search of the whole of truth, because it felt like that was the direction I was supposed to be headed in. I kept hitting snags, though. Some theological teachings are pure and joyus, teaching peace, understanding, and hope. Others, though, teach hatred, intolerance, and the fear of an eternal punishment after death for those who resisted the faith. Even the most enlightened of my friends, a muslim, was clear on how those who did not believe are less than human and will be damned. Had this been a simple interpretation of the Qu'ran, I would have been cool, but it's written clearly. Similar passages appear in the Torah and New Testimant. They are clear: if you don't believe, you will be severly punished. The peace and unerstanding are suddenly replaced by vengence and hatred. It is in this message that I finally understood the true meaning of god: control. It's clear to me that mythos has different meanings for different people, for some it is a staple of understanding others, for some it helps them understand themselves, for some it is a tool of control, and for others still it is a tool to be used for control. Ultimately, it controls the believer. It acts as a prison from which one can see the world, but is limited. While that prison can offer some things, such as safety and a sense of belonging with the other prisoners, it is a prison none the less.
The funny thing is, I thought I was happy being a Christian. I was somewhat torn when I was learning about evolution (and I have to make an apology to my first bio teacher, I was wrong to bring a bible to class, and you were right). I was somewhat torn when I learned of viable theories of the beginning of our unvierse like the big bang. Part of me resisted even learning them. All along, though, I was happily ignorant. I was in the worst kind of prison: a prison that you cannot touch, see, or taste. I imagine there is a Matrix metephore for it, but I'll leave that for Tilted Entertainment. This prison was able to disable my reasoning abilities enough to convince me that there exists a supreme being that actually cares about me, what a wonderful idea. My escape only came from a fundamental paradigm shift in my own mind. That shift was from unhealthy dependancy to self sufficience and peace.
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