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Originally Posted by KnifeMissile
I agree that it can get complicated, especially if the rapist is impaired, as well. It's hard to imagine that both parties are sufficiently impaired to lack responsibility whlie still being physically capable of arranging and having sex. However, if that's the case then, perhaps, it wasn't rape?
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This is the point I'm getting at. While I appreciate you and several others on this thread (Hal, Gilda, Sharon) being bold enough to call my situation a rape, I'm still not convinced... because there is really no way to say how drunk the guy was, since no one was there to measure our BAC. I can say for SURE that I was completely wasted (more than I've ever been, before or after that night... and that says something), and that the guy himself was also so wasted as to have missed his flight that morning when we sobered up (again, no pity here whatsoever--but I'm just adding that fact to story).
Certainly, KM, you make a good point about how anyone could be so impaired as to not be able to arrange/have sex... but again, there I was, a virgin in every sense of the word... totally blacked out... and yet capable of having sex and apparently enjoying myself (and I do remember when I was starting to sober up, that I *was* enjoying myself somehow... until the reality hit me, that I wasn't with my friend and I had just had sex with a strange man). I'm telling you, being impaired by alcohol doesn't mean one is disabled, especially when blacked out.
So, if you ask me, Zyr has captured my dilemma exactly with this:
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Originally Posted by Syr
from what I've read, the man involved thought he had consent, and may not have continued if he thought that abaya didn't want it to continue. So we have a person who was raped (did not give consent), but not a rapist (was given consent). How does one resolve that conflict?
As usual, alcohol confuses an otherwise clear situation.
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Yep, I'm convinced from the e-mail exchanges with the guy afterwards, that by all accounts he really did think it was consensual. Granted, he could have made all that up to cover his ass. But what kind of conscious rapist would keep in touch via e-mail after the event (writing down all the details OF the event, thus recording them to paper), and then go so far as to mail my camera and other left belongings to me, along with an accurate return address and even a copy of his damned orchestra audition CD? As well as a contact phone number.
So yes, perhaps I was raped... because I was not of sound mind when it happened, I was taken advantage of. But I also gave consent, in the usual form (verbal & physical), and what young, horny asshole would have acted differently in that situation? I mean, come on... how many TFP'ers have been drunk at a party or bar, met a drunk girl, and got it on, only to have one or both people regret it all (or forget it all) the next day? More than would care to admit, I'm sure.
And is that rape, too? Does the woman have a right to press charges in that kind of situation (what this thread is all about)? Or, as iccky said:
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Originally Posted by iccky
We can debate whether abaya was or was not raped, but if the case did go to trial and abaya gave the testimony she gave here, there's no way the guy would be convicted. I seriously doubt a prosecutor would even pursue the charge.
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