Okay, it sounds like we're clearing a lot of things up.
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Originally Posted by abaya
Thanks for the kinder tone, KM. I appreciate it.
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I very rarely have a kind tone on this board but I never attack anyone, especially personally. I may be more condescending than I realize and I'll keep a lookout for that...
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And I find it interesting that up until now, here on an anonymous internet forum, not a single person IRL called the situation "rape." And I told quite a variety of people about this situation... (very close friends, both conservative and liberal, men and women). Although, it's true that I didn't tell my parents... they might have been the only ones to label it that way. But what parent wouldn't respond in that manner.
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Where do you live? I'm going on a world tour soon(ish) and maybe I'll be stopping by your city? Then I can tell you "IRL" that you were raped. Then, maybe we can have a couple of drinks and then have ourselves some fun!
I don't think it's just "real life." So far, I'm the only person on this board who thinks you were raped and that astonishes me. I find it a little disturbing and I'm the guy who stands up for the rights of pedaphiles!
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Again, I never said it was "okay." That is not my position. My thoughts are that in some situations, the woman is not 100% a victim, and the man is not 100% a perpetrator. Yes, the man can always overwhelm the woman... but when physical force is not involved (e.g., in my case, the dude was a wimp... I could have beat this guy up), it's more an issue of both sides making poor decisions. Then it's very difficult to point the finger entirely at one person.
Responsibility and justice are complicated in some situations, I've found.
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I can agree that life is complicated and the law doesn't always reflect that but I don't see it in this case. You talk of partial responsiblity but I honestly don't see how you putting yourself in a situation to be raped lessens his guilt at all. It was easy to rape you therefore it's not as bad? Really?
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I can start to agree with you here, on the idea of consent. Sound mind.
But what happens when the other person is also not of sound mind (the guy was, clearly, drunk as well)? Or if I appeared to be of sound mind (a common occurrence, when one is blacked out)? It's all very gray area, at that point. Hence the complications.
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Legally, I don't know.
"I swear, I thought she was older than that!" Is that a defense for statutory rape? Even if it were a defense, does that mean it wasn't really rape?
I agree that it can get complicated, especially if the rapist is impaired, as well. It's hard to imagine that both parties are sufficiently impaired to lack responsibility whlie still being physically capable of arranging and having sex. However, if that's the case then, perhaps, it wasn't rape?