Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Halx
Education will make a girl think twice before allowing a man to have sex with her if she's not sure. The more people know about a situation before they get into it, the less likely they will be to back out of it once they are there.
This law essentially "creates" rape. It also creates fear, uncertainty and is an assault on pre-marital sex. Rape to me, is saying "no" from the start and attempting to physically resist sexual contact. Everything else is a consequence of poor judgement for which people need to "get a grip" on.
|
I'm going to have to get personal here, because it's the only way I see this issue. I agree with you, Halx, in terms of my own experience, and ONLY my experience... no one else's applies here. In my eyes, I was at least partly responsible for blacking out and losing my virginity to a stranger who picked me up off of Bourbon Street in New Orleans. A stranger whom I never, EVER in my sober and right mind would have given assent to... I'd been waiting for marriage, up to 24 years of age. This was NOT how I (or anyone, I believe) wanted to remember having sex the first time.
Does that make it rape? I've never been able to figure it out. Maybe you folks have some insight for me, with all your opinions on the matter. I'm sure I'm not the only woman on the board with a similar story.
I had taken a trip down to New Orleans for waterski camp (as a grad student) and allowed 3 previously-unknown college guys and girls to ride down in my car with me from PA to save money. I knew that was a mistake within 10 minutes of being in the car with them... they were tossing back Colt 45's while driving and throwing glass bottles at highway signs... but I went along with it (again, my responsibility for not standing up to them, in my own car).
After 24 hours of driving, we were on Bourbon Street and having a good time, and I was drinking more than I ever had before. My mistake, which I freely admit, was in drinking too much with people whom I did not know, and had NO reason to trust to take care of me (as opposed to the way my friends and I take care of each other when drinking). I suppose I thought they would watch out for me. Would you say that I should have "gotten a grip?" Maybe so, given what I had just observed on our 24 hour road trip. Again, an issue of personal responsibility vs. my naivete in believing that humans would take care of each other.
When I came to the next morning, the last thing on my mind was going after the guy for rape, since I was quite traumatized by what I woke up to (being naked in the shower with a man, when I had never done anything like that before in my life). The only means by which I gave consent was by being blacked out, and thus not having any means of consent or dissent. What would a judge say? Apparently, I was all for it when I was drunk... so he told me.
I got the guy's name and address, we e-mailed about what happened, and he even mailed me my camera and forgotten beads back. But I never took it to court. Why? I did feel that it was at least partly my responsibility, what happened... especially the getting drunk part. But my point to Halx earlier was that sex education had nothing to do with it. I was
blacked out and had absolutely no memory or will to do (or not do) anything. It wouldn't have mattered if I was Dr. Ruth at that point, in terms of "sex ed." It wouldn't have even mattered if I did say "NO!", because I don't remember any part of the act, or what either of us did to get there. It happened because of a bad situation that I put myself in, and someone took advantage of it. I've never really known who to blame, so I haven't blamed anyone.
Does that mean I was responsible enough to "get a grip," or does it mean that I was a victim? Or both? Can anyone really assign that label to me, or anyone who went through something like that?