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Originally Posted by kitesailor
I have felt for years that her lack of willingness to experiment sexually has an adverse effect on our relationship. What she thinks of as gross and or slightly sick and perverted I see as spice. After all, repeating minor variations the same sexual scenario for 20 years does nothing to spice up life.
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This may be the underlying issue that needs to be discussed between you two. Have you ever been in counseling together to discuss sexual differences? Also, does she have a religious background, and/or sexual abuse issues from her past? Those things are extremely difficult to overcome, even in the best relationship... but it may help for her to get those out in the open, in a counseling environment. What about sexual books for her own education? And toys? Does she masturbate? Getting a greater understanding about her own sexual attitudes may help the situation, if for nothing else than to help you understand her hang-ups better. 20 years is a helluva long time to be unsatisfied, if that's how you feel. (and maybe her too?)