Gilda

I am indeed lucky to have those people in my life; it makes coping with my emotional difficulties much less difficult. I'm sorry that you don't seem to have much of a support network to help you get through this. It really does make things better.

There's nothing wrong with recognizing the influences in your life that led you to be in the place you are now, and if that includes bad or unloving parents, that's very sad. I'm no longer a part of my parents' lives, nor is my sister, which is at times very difficult for me. I can certainly sympathize with you there; parents can do some serious damage to you in a variety of ways.

You've assessed blame and laid it squarely on your parents. I don't know you well enough to dispute that, so let's assume it's true. Now what? You get to decide what to do about it. At 21 in college you're at a good age and in a good place to be able to do something about it. Check with guidance and see if the school provides counseling or other mental health services.

If you're lacking some of the social skills training that you were supposed to have gotten as a child and teen, go get some.

I know it's difficult, but it's better to do it now, when you're really just getting started in life than waste time worrying about who's to blame. Your parents screwed you up. That happens to a lot of us. You're the one who has to fix things. That sucks, that's unfair, I get that, but that is how it is.

I was practically a hermit for most of my 20's, disappearing into school and work as a defense against the world and against my fears and insecurities regarding the world. All that time not dealing with my problems only made them worse.

However, even starting when I was nearly 30, I've made slow, but steady progress. Focus on improving those things you're unhappy with, and don't look for artificial deadlines like the end of college as a time for completion. Nobody is completely who they want to be when they finish college.

I don't know what cognitive therapy tapes you're referring to, but you should keep in mind that that isn't going to be nearly as effective as cognitive behavioral therapy with a qualified therapist.

I can offer you one hint. I made the same mistake as you when it came to the "be yourself" type of advice, defending the status quo by saying that a shy, asocial loner was who I was. That's not what that means in this context. It means to let others see the person inside, whoever that might be, without fear of their judgment. Afraid of being judged is how you feel, not who you are.

Also, I talk a good game, but I've not always been that good at it.

I wish you luck. Put in the work and you'll see improvements.

__________________
I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that.

~Steven Colbert