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Originally Posted by glooper23
Thanks, people. Earlier this week I was doing a very good job of staying positive - for the first time in years I was relaxed.
But, as the days pass with nobody to talk to but myself, suicide becomes the most immediate option. I will probably not do it - I will continue to get straight A's and graduate college as scheduled. Once I'm out, then I will get a job and wait for my parents to die so I can kill myself without guilt.
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I laughed at this with the deliciously bitter black humor attainable only by someone who's been in your position before. However I'm not preaching, I'm just a broken survivor coping and trying to tell you how I have made it this far. Look at the other side of the coin - if you're about to kill yourself, why be so uptight about everything. Stop caring about what other people think, and do shit you think you might enjoy. Sit down and think about all the stuff you ever wanted to do when you were little, and start pursuing it. Sometimes that's enough. Sometimes it isn't. Most importantly, weigh the consequences, plan things deliberately, and force yourself out of a rut of self pity.
I'd advise you to start talking to people - total strangers. Don't try to do this in an area where people would feel threatened, and also don't overdo it and spill out your life story to some poor fucker you cornered on the subway, but just gut up and talk casually to someone who's in a like environment. Most importantly, listen. Churches and AA groups are best for this.
Therapy and medication don't work. People will pull you into depression, and people will pull you out. Humans are social animals. Odi et amo.