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MSD · 01-06-2007, 11:22 PM

Strict rules for dating are based on asserting dominance by manipulating someone and creating a psychological hold on them, and if you feel that everyone should follow them please go to your kitchen, find a sharp object capable of excising you reproductive organs, and remove yourself from the gene pool so that rational people can populate the world. If you've had it drilled into you that the rulese are the rules and are willin gto try to forget about them, read on.

That said, I do have a few suggestions of things that not everyone has tried. These are certainly not rules, although I do strongly reccommend considering the rationale behind my method of giving and getting numbers in order to increase your chances and help judge whether someone is giving you their number to get rid of you or because they're genuinely interested.

If you want to cut the bullshit and be sure there's mutual interest, it's a good idea to be specific. Here are some examples:

Person getting the number:
Option 1: "Would Monday evening be a good time to call? ... OK, I'll call you around 6 on Monday."
Option 2: "Is there any time you'd prefer I call? ... You're busy until Thursday but will be home mid-afternoon? I'll give you a call around 3 then."

Person giving the number:
Option 1: "So, when should I expect to hear from you? I have a busy schedule and if you know you'll be free I can tell you if I'll be around or if you should leave a message."
Option 2: "I'm at work and going to a friend's place tomorrow, but if you call me on Monday night I should be free."

The trick here is that you can prove that you're both reliable, and both of you know that there's genuine interest. The ideal thing to do is exchange numbers just in case someone loses it (you're probably both drunk when you meet, right?)

As for the number of calls, leave a brief but not boring message that clearly identifies you (name, where you met,) either leave your number if you didn't give her yours, don't leave it if you did (you'll see why in a bit,) mention something you talked about ("It was cool to find someone else who likes to talk about philosophy as much as I do,") or what you did ("I had a great time dancing with you, I'd love to do it again sometime,") then hang up and give her a few days to call you back.

If you're really interested, give her a reasonable amount of time to call you back (use your judgment on what's reasonable. For example if you're both in college and on break you'd wait less time than if you were out for one last night of boozing before finals week, and if she's a tax attorney she would call you back quicker if you left the message on April 16 than if you left it on April 12th, you get the idea,) then leave a second message saying something like, "Hi, it's [your name], I called the other day when you said you'd probably be around and I thought I'd hear from you by now." If you exchanged numbers and therefore didn't leave it with the first message, you can say "If you lost my number it's ..." and if you left it with the first message say something like "And again, my number is ..."

If you don't get a call back after the second call, she's not interested. The point of the second call if you're really interested is to 1: rule out the chance that something completely unexpected prevented her from getting the first message; 2: let her know that it's fine to call a bit later if she wasn't sure before and warmed up to the idea of getting together since the first call but didn't know if too much time had passed; 3: convince someone who's still unsure that you're definitely interested and might be worth it.

There is no one method that will work for everyone and nothing will work on everyone. You have to be willing to accept failure to ensure success. Keep trying and you won't have to fit into a mold and obey any rules to succeed and be happy.

01-06-2007, 11:22 PM	#51 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	Strict rules for dating are based on asserting dominance by manipulating someone and creating a psychological hold on them, and if you feel that everyone should follow them please go to your kitchen, find a sharp object capable of excising you reproductive organs, and remove yourself from the gene pool so that rational people can populate the world. If you've had it drilled into you that the rulese are the rules and are willin gto try to forget about them, read on. That said, I do have a few suggestions of things that not everyone has tried. These are certainly not rules, although I do strongly reccommend considering the rationale behind my method of giving and getting numbers in order to increase your chances and help judge whether someone is giving you their number to get rid of you or because they're genuinely interested. If you want to cut the bullshit and be sure there's mutual interest, it's a good idea to be specific. Here are some examples: Person getting the number: Option 1: "Would Monday evening be a good time to call? ... OK, I'll call you around 6 on Monday." Option 2: "Is there any time you'd prefer I call? ... You're busy until Thursday but will be home mid-afternoon? I'll give you a call around 3 then." Person giving the number: Option 1: "So, when should I expect to hear from you? I have a busy schedule and if you know you'll be free I can tell you if I'll be around or if you should leave a message." Option 2: "I'm at work and going to a friend's place tomorrow, but if you call me on Monday night I should be free." The trick here is that you can prove that you're both reliable, and both of you know that there's genuine interest. The ideal thing to do is exchange numbers just in case someone loses it (you're probably both drunk when you meet, right?) As for the number of calls, leave a brief but not boring message that clearly identifies you (name, where you met,) either leave your number if you didn't give her yours, don't leave it if you did (you'll see why in a bit,) mention something you talked about ("It was cool to find someone else who likes to talk about philosophy as much as I do,") or what you did ("I had a great time dancing with you, I'd love to do it again sometime,") then hang up and give her a few days to call you back. If you're really interested, give her a reasonable amount of time to call you back (use your judgment on what's reasonable. For example if you're both in college and on break you'd wait less time than if you were out for one last night of boozing before finals week, and if she's a tax attorney she would call you back quicker if you left the message on April 16 than if you left it on April 12th, you get the idea,) then leave a second message saying something like, "Hi, it's [your name], I called the other day when you said you'd probably be around and I thought I'd hear from you by now." If you exchanged numbers and therefore didn't leave it with the first message, you can say "If you lost my number it's ..." and if you left it with the first message say something like "And again, my number is ..." If you don't get a call back after the second call, she's not interested. The point of the second call if you're really interested is to 1: rule out the chance that something completely unexpected prevented her from getting the first message; 2: let her know that it's fine to call a bit later if she wasn't sure before and warmed up to the idea of getting together since the first call but didn't know if too much time had passed; 3: convince someone who's still unsure that you're definitely interested and might be worth it. There is no one method that will work for everyone and nothing will work on everyone. You have to be willing to accept failure to ensure success. Keep trying and you won't have to fit into a mold and obey any rules to succeed and be happy.