One thing I remember from being young, which I'm assuming you are, I was always under the assumption that what was going on in my head was sooooo important and that other people were thinking the same things and seeing the same things and living an existence largely identical to mine except through different eyeballs. I thought everyone noticed me and formed an opinion about me (probably negative). I was too naive and self-conscious and inexperienced to think otherwise. But the truth is - most people aren't paying particular attention to you, nobody else really cares about how uncomfortable you are, they don't care if you used to be an asshole and now you're not, they don't care how your hair looks, they don't notice all of these myriad little details that are causing you to cart around all these anxieties with you everywhere you go. Even if someone says something in passing that offends your sensitivity, they're not thinking about that remark even 5 minutes later and they probably have no idea how much what they said affected you.
I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but it sounds like you've got way too much invested in an inflated SENSE OF SELF. YOU are consuming YOUR thoughts. It would benefit you greatly to pursue things that might take your mind off of this stuff for a while. And, quite frankly, I don't think you're in any position to start looking for a girlfriend. Like shesus said (who has given you very good advice) you need to work on your self-confidence and comfort level. You need to rid yourself of this SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS before you can be a truly present and confident enough person to fulfill someone else's needs.
The more I read, the more alarmed I am at your situation. You need to chill out, baby.
