Originally Posted by ABC News
Crime Rats Skyrocket in Reality Experiment Gone Wrong
AP
March 17, 2007
A recent and shocking increase in crime rates in Muncie, Indiana is to be blamed on the wreckless and iresponsible spread of reality TV shows, federal marshals said on Friday.
I early 2007, CBS started a reality show where B-list celebrities were to join the local police force. At first, there were only minor incodents of theft locally, but crime skyrocketed after only a few weeks, making Muncie the new most dangerous place to live in the US. Unemployment has gone up, following the crime rates, only serving to exasorbate the situation.
"We thought it was just an innocent thing," says local out-of-work, and victim of 4 thefts in the past 3 weeks, John Stratford. "It became clear, though, that the level of dicsours on the police force was directly proportional to the amount of safety a community enjoys. Once it was clear that these people were not here to protect us, but to further their careers by acting like idiots, crime took a sharp rise." John Stratford owned a local hardware store that had been in his family for 45 years. It was repeatedly vandalized and evnetually robbed at gun point. "Trish Stratus showed up in a bikini with 7 cameras and she just sort of posed and whined. That one guy from Chips was trying to hold it together, but was distracted when Jason Acuna dipped his testicles in lamp oil and lit them on fire." The resulting fire was responsible for an estimated $350,000 in damages, to several buildings that were not insured for fires.
The president was forced to declair marshal law on Thursday after federal marshals and atf agents were chased out by chain gangs that had sprouted up, one of which was actually lead by Jack Osbourne. Staff Sgt. Warren Miller has assured the public that they expect to restore order by the end of the month, and has advised that anyone within 50 miles of Muncie be sure to lock all doors and windows at all times.
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