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I've found out that marriage and especially parenthood are not necessarily either/or propositions.
There are times marriage is very comforting and wonderful, and other times it's not. I seriously could have gone either way on the marriage thing - although I'm not the kind of person who would have spent my life alone so even if I hadn't gotten married, I would have wanted some kind of partner in my life.
Motherhood was never in question for me though - I wanted that with all my heart for as long as I can remember. And it is fulfilling, but it's also incredibly difficult. When all is going well, I've found the mother/child relationship to be the most wonderful, fulfilling relationship in the world- but when there is worry or sadness or uncertainty involved and it's concerning one of your children (with whom you have a connection that is physical, emotional, mental, etc.) it's very, very difficult and can be all-consuming- because you've centered your life around this person.
I never realized how vulnerable being a mother and loving another person beyond all reason and unconditionally would make me.
If you're not willing to relinquish control of your heart and emotions and take great risks- you shouldn't have kids.
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