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Memo From Santa
I haven't seen this since last year so...
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately .....
I will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida,
Alabama, North and South Carolina, Tennessee,
Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.
Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth,
My contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies
And Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract,
I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep
That in mind.
However, I'm certain that your children will be in good
Hands with your local replacement, who happens to be
My third cousin, Bubba Claus.
His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares
My goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls;
However, there are a few differences between us.
Differences such as:
1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents
From Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a
Bumper sticker that reads:
"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that
Children leave an RC cola and pork rinds on the fireplace.
3. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and
Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear,
"On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."
4. "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw" And you also
Are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat"
5. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh
Does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with
The words "Back Off."
6. The usual Christmas movie classics such as
"Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will
Not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead,
You'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and
"Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as
Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing
Into each other.
And Finally,
7. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd
Make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way
When he bends over to put presents under the tree.
Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus
__________________
"That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son"
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