abaya

To me, as a human, it is impossible to avoid making judgments. For example, I don't know how much you know about me either, mixedmedia, but since I am pretty sure your posts are directed at me (please correct me if I'm wrong), I feel that my character is being labeled as "mean-spirited, wrong, and reactionary," and that you believe you are more "forward-thinking" than I am. I'm not particularly appreciative of those judgments, but at least you're honest. I can understand the ideals that you have about how women should treat each other, and to some extent I support that. However, as I said in my previous post, I feel like I can empathize all too well with those girls, and that's why I judge them, I suppose.

I've talked about this before on TFP, a long time ago. The first time I had sex was when I was blacked out from alcohol in a strange place, and woke up not knowing where I was, and how I got there. And I was ashamed for getting into that situation, and angry, and sad. And I swore I would never let myself be so careless and non-self-respecting again in my life. And I look at those girls, and I feel the same things towards them... angry, sad, ashamed... because to me it's almost inevitable, you know, that something bad will happen, something that they regret, and that they will never be able to change. And I am not saying it is the woman's fault when those things happen, not at all. But that there is an element of self-responsibility, self-respect, that is lacking in those girls, as was lacking in myself at that time, and it pains me to see it.

Do I ever voice this out loud, when they are walking down the street? Never. What about on TFP, if someone is engaging in unhealthy sexuality, and they appear to be unhappy with their situation? Yes, I speak up, I say something. We all do. Because here on TFP, we come to each other for help. We are asking for each other's support as well as judgment, in asking for advice. Maybe those girls come to each other for help, and they support each other. Good. But yes, I can't help but feel strongly negative emotions when I see them stumbling down the street.

Yes, I used the words "dressed like a complete slut," and perhaps I was not being very P.C. when I used it. But I was writing in the moment, and I used that word, and there it is. I'm not going to go back and edit it, but I'll be more aware of its impact on other women next time. But to judge, as well as to tolerate, is to be human. Sometimes, I am just plain honest about my reaction when I saw something I didn't like, just as you did, Mixedmedia. Personally, I think it's a lot better to get that out in the open than to hide behind P.C. terms, when our inner thoughts are not very P.C. at all.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran