Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Should I tell her or not??? sort of an ultimatum from my wife

The_Jazz · 12-19-2006, 01:04 PM

Given the new situation, I'm going to revise my 4 points above:

#1 - Assuming that alcohol is being used as an excuse/crutch and that the black-out/lack of memories statements still hold true, someone has a problem here and needs help. This is not normal behavior. Alcohol, as most of us know, doesn't "make" you do anything. It may lower inhibitions, but if you take your clothes off at a party, that's because you probably wanted to do that anyway. It sounds to me like your wife has a problem with alcohol, and that's something that's not going to improve on its own.

#2 - There seems to be some sort of admitance that touching took place now.

#3 & #4 - I'm mixing these two because now we're talking about YOU firing off ultimatums. This whole thing is about both of your perceptions about your own relationship and the one that your wife has with your friend. If she's going to sneek around and see this guy secretly behind your back, I can see where you'd find that threatening. If she doesn't feel comfortable inviting the guy over for dinner with the 3 of you, I see that as a problem. You obviously don't want to "ban" her from having male friends, but I don't see any problem with you tell her that you don't want her to hang out with this particular one any more. Again, this is about your perceptions, and you seem to perceive this guy as a threat.

I'm glad that you've finally noticed the elephant in the room and admitted that there are some trust issues. By the way, you won the war - she married you. Game over. Unless you both continue to fuck it up, and then she can be someone else's problem and you're better for it.

Finally, how do you sit in a room with your wife watching her feel up some guy you don't like? I can understand it if you're into cuckolding, and maybe that's your thing, but how can you at the very least not even say something? My first reaction would be to grab the nearest thing resembling a bat, grab her hand and tell him to get the hell out and never darken your door again. Maybe you're better at handling these things than I am, but at the very least I would have repeatedly smashed my nose against his fist (although I like to think that I might do a little better).

12-19-2006, 01:04 PM	#17 (permalink)
The_Jazz Asshole Administrator Location: Chicago	Given the new situation, I'm going to revise my 4 points above: #1 - Assuming that alcohol is being used as an excuse/crutch and that the black-out/lack of memories statements still hold true, someone has a problem here and needs help. This is not normal behavior. Alcohol, as most of us know, doesn't "make" you do anything. It may lower inhibitions, but if you take your clothes off at a party, that's because you probably wanted to do that anyway. It sounds to me like your wife has a problem with alcohol, and that's something that's not going to improve on its own. #2 - There seems to be some sort of admitance that touching took place now. #3 & #4 - I'm mixing these two because now we're talking about YOU firing off ultimatums. This whole thing is about both of your perceptions about your own relationship and the one that your wife has with your friend. If she's going to sneek around and see this guy secretly behind your back, I can see where you'd find that threatening. If she doesn't feel comfortable inviting the guy over for dinner with the 3 of you, I see that as a problem. You obviously don't want to "ban" her from having male friends, but I don't see any problem with you tell her that you don't want her to hang out with this particular one any more. Again, this is about your perceptions, and you seem to perceive this guy as a threat. I'm glad that you've finally noticed the elephant in the room and admitted that there are some trust issues. By the way, you won the war - she married you. Game over. Unless you both continue to fuck it up, and then she can be someone else's problem and you're better for it. Finally, how do you sit in a room with your wife watching her feel up some guy you don't like? I can understand it if you're into cuckolding, and maybe that's your thing, but how can you at the very least not even say something? My first reaction would be to grab the nearest thing resembling a bat, grab her hand and tell him to get the hell out and never darken your door again. Maybe you're better at handling these things than I am, but at the very least I would have repeatedly smashed my nose against his fist (although I like to think that I might do a little better). __________________ "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin "There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush "We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo