Jim Kata

ok...so i have a co-worker that i have gotten really close to in the past 2 years. we work very close to eachother every day and we have the same sense of humor, same taste of music, so forth and so on.

My wife likes her when we all hang out but doesn't want me hanging out with her alone due to self admitted insecurities on her part (she doesn't like me hanging out with girls when she isn't around either way no matter who it is). I think/thought she was being ridiculous about it all cause i felt like she didn't trust me. But whenever I did want to hang out with my coworker/friend my wife would come along (after a little whining about not wanting to go) and acts like she is having a good time.

Anyways, I am not attracted to her at all, and love her as a close friend. we occasionally text message eachother through out the day when not at work (which my wife makes comments about but says she is only giving me a hard time about it for shits and giggles). My wife thinks she has a crush on me but i don't think she does as she has many male friends. All of my wife's friends, and my sister think she has a crush on me, but I think they just don't understand how we are.

I was also told that when my friend is around...I tend to ignore everyone else including my wife. i don't see it, but she insists it happens.

Anyways, at our work christmas party she and her friend were staying at our house since it was so close to the venue. I had a bit too much to drink (which I tend to do more often than I'd like to admit). I was told the next day that she was laying down on the couch and i was sitting in front of her on the floor and i put my hand up her shirt and started rubbing her stomach for a good long while, while we were watching tv. I don't remember this at all. I was told it looked waaay more than just a friendly kind of thing, which i agree with if it did happen.

My wife saw this and mentioned it and told me she couldn't take me hanging out with my friend anymore wether she is around or not. Including work happy hours that my wife is always welcome to come to, or when our work group goes out for lunch. it was killing and or would kill our marriage because it has always bothered her how close my co worker and I were. She said we (me and my coworker) acted like we were boyfriend girlfriend to people who didn't know better. That can be written off to my wifes self admitted insecurities.

Anyways...she never said "choose her or me" in so many words but it does feel like that. And obviously I would choose my wife because I love her (even though after this talk about what happened she felt like our marriage might be one of those that might not make it if things don't change).

I'm just wondering if I should tell my co worker that I can't hang out with her when she wants to make plans because my wife is worried about the repercussions in our marriage. Or just make excuses. I dont want her to think I hate her and am blowing her off.

I love my job and am doing really really well in it. It will not be easy for me to find another one like it.

I feel like total shit because she is a really really good friend of mine and I totally fucked it up.

Any thoughts or advice or anything would be appreciated. I have never felt this bad before in my life. Like I said, I want to stay with my wife, but I don't know what to do about my friend.

By the way...we talked about marriage counseling due another issues (there is a thread about it here somewhere), but this will probably be an issue that will be brought up as well.


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