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Originally Posted by abaya
That's really just a shame, if that's what most women want. I mean sure, I see that theory applying to more traditional or religious societies (including evangelical American Christians; Promise Keepers, anyone?) where women are enculturated with the idea that men should be the head of the household and, correspondingly, should always be the initiators of sex, etc.
But I'd like to think that more and more women, especially those who are educated and/or making their own money, are moving towards a perception of themselves of being as capable (if not more so) of making good decisions as men are, and therefore the leadership is a joint one. I am not saying this is the case for GK and his girlfriend... hell, perhaps his girlfriend is, in fact, one of these women that you describe, who can't seem to make decisions for herself, including regarding her own sexuality. But I certainly hope not.
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Indeed
I think the reason why relationships are so fucked up nowadays is because people take the concept of social and lawful equality too far. There are inherit biological and instinctive roles that men and women are born to play. It has nothing to do with power or control. It has nothing to do with women being capable or being able to make decisions. Simply, there is something inside a woman that makes her feel comfortable when a man can take responsibility...when a man has the confidence to lead and she can trust him.
The decision is her own...in a way. It's a mutual effort. It takes two. The man cannot simply be the facilitator nor can the woman be a mere recipient.
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Why does there have to be a "leader," in bed or otherwise? What's so "wrong" with taking turns and seeing each other as equal initiators and receivers?
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Equality often carries the connotation of “sameness” nowadays. We are very different biologically, instinctively and emotionally. If equality means love and respect in the then yes, we should be equal but if you mean that a woman should try to play a man’s role…then no, I disagree.
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Actually, the first time my husband and I had sex (it was basically the first time for both of us, long before we were married), I believe he asked me to lead him with where to go with his fingers and tongue, because we were exploring the whole thing together. I asked him to tell me the same. I found it incredibly intimate, humbling, and romantic, and built up my trust in him even more. If he had tried to "take the lead" in that situation, in the way you recommend... well, we wouldn't be married, let alone have had sex.
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That sounds lovely Abaya. It's actually a good example of how I feel about all this. You husband was confident enough to ask. He made you feel good about the process of exploration. It reminds me of my first time dancing salsa. I told my partner, who was new as well, that this will be an adventure into something new and we are both going to have fun and laugh about it. So neither of us were nervous and we had allot of fun despite stepping on each other’s feet allot.
I believe the way I worded my post made you believe that I used “leading” in the context of having the man do whatever he wants. This isn’t the case at all...unless ofcourse that's part of the fantasy. Leadership is a great responsibility.