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Originally Posted by Martian
I'll stop here for an aside, because I'm pretty sure there's going to be at least one woman out there right now who's thinking 'feelings are feelings and gender doesn't matter.' Which is great, except that in the situation we've set up it's totally false. If we assume that this man was raised by a father who wasn't capable of expressing his emotions and is therefore unable to express (or even recognize, in a lot of cases) his own feelings, then you can't expect relate to him the same way as you would a woman who's been taught that it's okay to cry and has the equipment to deal with her feelings.
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Just getting back to this thread... and I wanted to say that from all the replies so far, I appreciate this one the most. A few years ago, I used to say that gender didn't matter... but I'm married now
and know better. Indeed, we are different animals.. but for most of us (hetero, at least), we kind of have to figure out how to relate to another gender's brain-wiring.
From what Martian said, it took a "special woman" to learn how to identify and express some of his feelings. I am wondering if the process always works that way (woman --> man) , or if any women out there feel that they had a "special man" who taught them to keep their emotions more under wraps (man --> woman)? Or is the desire of all genders to learn how to feel and express in a healthy way, and we're all (regardless of gender) teaching each other how to do that?
And, I agree with what you say here, Martian... but what I want to know is, how do my husband and I raise our (future) son to NOT carry the emotionally-unexpressive torch? I envision our children being healthy (in all ways) and well-equipped to communicate and feel and not be intimidated by social expectations of their gender. I know it's probably impossible to do so, but I still want to strive for it. Tips? Do any men out there have reflections on what they wish their father *hadn't* done (or had)?