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Originally Posted by abaya
Prince, I appreciate your detailed and insightful response. 
And call me a "why" woman,  but for me, I am curious about why...
1) some (all?) emotions are unwelcome (who said they should be, in your life?)
2) expressing them is seen as a negative thing (again, who taught you that?),
3) and why all feelings need to be explained clearly? (I don't think they do, at all... in fact, in my experience, sometimes it's much better to express an emotion, even without understanding it, and have someone comfort you without a word...)
Do you think your reasoning re: emotions is a guy's-brain thing, or just something that any gender could inherit/learn, given one's upbringing? |
The simple answer is this Abaya... some emotions are unpleasent, and therefore unwelcome. And whats worse, some are unpleasent emotions created by a partner, or vice versa (you making them feel unpleasent). The discusion of said unpleasent emotions are just plain uncomfortable and unpleasent at times. This is not a taboo conversation to have with said SO but one that feels naturally unwelcome; I naturally connect pleasent emotions with my SO. I am also conditioned to make my partner feel as pleasent as possible when we are together, therefore I feel unpleasent when bringing up unpleasent topics. It's not that they are "wrong" to feel but experiencing them are just plain unpleasent. Perhaps in the "all emotion equals growth" sense then these are perfectly pleasent emotions but as a fairly emotional man I find it hard, at times impossible, to bring up unpleasent emotions with my SO.
And sometimes expressing emotion is a horribly negitive thing. Emotions are wiley, sly creatures and refuse to be pin pointed. I excell in expressing myself to my friends and family, yet even so I have trouble expressig clearly what I want to say to my SO. And even then I more often then not express a different opinion then I would like to give, digging myself deeper. Sometimes it is easier just to let it go, even when it seems hard to do. It may piss me off when Ashleigh tells me I say words wrong, even though I was born here and she imigrated to Canada four years ago, but me bringing it up in a well spoken and pleasent way still creates an upleasent tension. Sometimes it is hard for me to explain why it upsets me so much when she chooses others in her life over me becauses she realizes I will let it go when the others won't. Bringing it up means I'm not going to have a pleasent couple of hours. It's just easier not to express. Other times its right not to express them at all.