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The difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don't know, and I couldn't care less...
Halitosis is better than no breath at all.
The only reason I would take up exercising is so I could hear heavy breathing again.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid.
Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.
If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.
Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam.
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day.
Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner
Sociopath.
I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself....unless, of course, I want to stay employed.
I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying.
Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.
Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."
A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?
To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.
I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
I have abandoned my search for truth, and am now looking for a
good fantasy.
Appreciate me now, and avoid the rush.
I feel much better, now that I’ve given up hope.
All I want is a warm bed and a kind word, and unlimited power.
I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days
attack me at once.
We've been through so much together -- and most of it was your
fault.
I woke up this morning with a smile on my face and a song in my
heart. What scares me is that it was a Barry Manilow song.
Some see things that are and ask why.
Some dream of things that aren't and ask why not.
Some people don't have time for all that crap.
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?"
Obscenity is the crutch of inarticulate motherfuckers.
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