ratbastid

Negative. It's allowing there to be shades of gray that lets children to eat you alive.

Children operate in a mode of dominating you or avoiding being dominated by you. It's all they've got. So stop making rules to protect your children and start making rules to protect yourself (and others) from your children.

That doesn't mean there has to be a rule for every little thing. I think that's what you mean by "pick your battles". But the rules you make, enforce them reliably and universally.

You're the adult here. You don't have to concede anything. And you don't have to explain why you're not conceding. It's just going the way you say, and that's it. Once kids learn that, life gets a whole lot simpler for them, and a lot of the struggle they have with their parents disappears.

Also (thanks Jess for pointing this out) gravity doesn't make it an emotional issue. No anger, no reaction, no revenge. Just consequences.

I learned this from one of the most amazing fathers I know. I once overheard the following interaction:

"Time for bed!"
"But I'm not tiiiiired!"
"You don't get it. I'm tired. So you're going to bed."
"Oh. ... Ok."

The other thing is, you can get creative with the rules. When they go out with their kids, there's one rule: it's the kids' job to make sure the grownups are having a good time. If the grownups stop having a good time, it's over, and we're going home. Not like a punishment or an emotional thing: it's simply that the rule is, if the grownups aren't having a good time, we're going home. Or when they're playing together at home or something--same deal. If dad's not having a good time, the game's over. He's raised two GREAT kids following this principle. Mature, intelligent, interesting, responsible, respectful. Just really, really great kids, who have total control over themselves.