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mixedmedia · 12-06-2006, 08:01 PM

I have two grown kids and a 7-year-old. All girls.

I have always found that depriving the child of whatever it is that they rely on most for entertainment is truly the best way of teaching them that there are consequences (for themselves) of their wrongful actions. You get fast results and good leverage for compelling them to listen to you.

I have also always been somewhat of a lecturer. I explain what it means to be a good and honest person. I explain how it feels when you know you've done right. How it makes other people feel when you do right by them. I use examples and anecdotes from their experiences, my own experiences and those I have learned from others.

Making them apologize when they have done wrong teaches them that they WILL be forced to surrender their humility when they do wrong to someone. This can be almost unbearably humiliating for some children. So you then explain to them that they better shape up if they don't ever want to have to do it again. This is especially effective when they have to apologize to strangers or in front of strangers.

And, lastly, when these things aren't going well at home, and I've got a petulantly willful little so-and-so on my hands, it's time for a nice 10 minute time-out in my bathroom...or rather, the closet area of my bathroom. And every time she screams through the door, she gets another five minutes. This is usually a very effective method of bringing her back to the negotiating table.

I wouldn't worry too much about your son just yet. It could just be a developmental valley. Most kids have a few. They go through periods where they test their boundaries, try rebellion and defiance to see what it feels like. If you are diligent and model good behavior for him, he'll probably come out the other side, maybe a little more jaded but aware that it's just easier to be good. But if it continues or increases, then there are probably some underlying problems that will need to be excavated. Could be something minor or not. At that point I think I would seek some professional help.

I wish you the best of luck. Parenting is a tough row to hoe even under the best of circumstances.

Oh, and one more thing. About LYING. Kids lie because they don't want to get into trouble. And very often this becomes a HABIT. In which case they will lie even when they don't know if they will get into trouble - just to be safe. It's very, very common and it needs to be nipped in the bud.

12-06-2006, 08:01 PM	#16 (permalink)
mixedmedia has all her shots. Location: Florida	I have two grown kids and a 7-year-old. All girls. I have always found that depriving the child of whatever it is that they rely on most for entertainment is truly the best way of teaching them that there are consequences (for themselves) of their wrongful actions. You get fast results and good leverage for compelling them to listen to you. I have also always been somewhat of a lecturer. I explain what it means to be a good and honest person. I explain how it feels when you know you've done right. How it makes other people feel when you do right by them. I use examples and anecdotes from their experiences, my own experiences and those I have learned from others. Making them apologize when they have done wrong teaches them that they WILL be forced to surrender their humility when they do wrong to someone. This can be almost unbearably humiliating for some children. So you then explain to them that they better shape up if they don't ever want to have to do it again. This is especially effective when they have to apologize to strangers or in front of strangers. And, lastly, when these things aren't going well at home, and I've got a petulantly willful little so-and-so on my hands, it's time for a nice 10 minute time-out in my bathroom...or rather, the closet area of my bathroom. And every time she screams through the door, she gets another five minutes. This is usually a very effective method of bringing her back to the negotiating table. I wouldn't worry too much about your son just yet. It could just be a developmental valley. Most kids have a few. They go through periods where they test their boundaries, try rebellion and defiance to see what it feels like. If you are diligent and model good behavior for him, he'll probably come out the other side, maybe a little more jaded but aware that it's just easier to be good. But if it continues or increases, then there are probably some underlying problems that will need to be excavated. Could be something minor or not. At that point I think I would seek some professional help. I wish you the best of luck. Parenting is a tough row to hoe even under the best of circumstances. Oh, and one more thing. About LYING. Kids lie because they don't want to get into trouble. And very often this becomes a HABIT. In which case they will lie even when they don't know if they will get into trouble - just to be safe. It's very, very common and it needs to be nipped in the bud. __________________ Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce Last edited by mixedmedia; 12-06-2006 at 08:07 PM..