About our ages: I'm 25, and she's 34. A bit of an age difference, I realize... And she seems much more commitment-phobic then I would assume a 34-year-old to be....
Well, as it stands now, we've broken up. It was a very strange break-up, actually, that lasted all of last weekend. We understood early on that this was a "last hurrah" type of weekend, and that we wanted to end on good terms. It was near 72 hours of us talking about things, past and present. We came to terms with what each of us wanted, and how it didn't jive with what the other was willing to give. And we fucked a lot. It was strange, but I won't complain... sex with her is euphoric (man, I could kiss and tell for hours about the stuff we've done...).
I, very rationally, told her I loved her, more than I ever have loved another girl. I tried to explain to her that that's why I maybe got too emotional. She was understanding of this... She says she's been in similar situations in the past: she says she tends to attract very romantic guys, but she herself isn't romantic. And can lead to the situation we're in now. I told her that I was in a spot where I needed her to love me back, if things were to continue at all. But I don't think she, as a person, is capable of that. Therein lies the rub...
We kept it open that maybe we could get in touch in the future. But one thing I told her, explicitly, was that I was not going to be the one to contact her. I said it's mainly because I didn't trust myself to wait long enough. I knew I would want to call her the very next day. Or if I gave myself a 2 month time limit, I'd wait 3 weeks and pretend that was long enough. So anyway, if I wanted to move on, see other poeple, I needed time and space to get her out of my mind. To fall out of love with her. I thought I made this clear.
Things got sticky after the weekend, though. We parted on very good terms, after having a long heart-to-heart weekend. And it was my understanding that it was over for at least the near future. But after we parted on Sunday, I get a friendly, non-chalant email from her on Monday. It was a trivial email, but she contacted me. I responded... equally trivial. No idea what to make of it. Then she text messages me yesterday.. i can't get back to her right away, so she texted me again...and yet again. I eventually call her and ask her what's up. Again, it was something trivial she wanted to talk about. I bring up that we agreed to separate for a while. She says we agreed to be friends, and it was just friendly communication. I pretty much repeated what I wrote above, about me needing some time apart if we were to move on and be friends. She gets defensive about me saying that this was hurting me... and an argument ensued. god, it sucked.
There's only a handful of reasons why she would contact me, and they all seem unhealthy. She was either looking to pick a fight, which in her mind would make it easier to move on. Or she's being manipulative in order to... well, be manipulative. Or this was her very inadequate way of trying to win me back. The romantic in me wants to be believe it's the last option. We hang up the phone mad at each other, throwing away the good feelings I had from parting with her on good terms. I suck it up, and write an email to her, explaining that I just needed time. I say I'm sorry if it wasn't clear to her that I would need weeks to months of time apart. I tell her I'm not mad at her for contacting me, and I don't want her to be mad at me either...
I really think that she just doesn't know how love another person. God, that sounds so cliched, but I'll be damned, I think I'm learning it can be true. I think she contacted me because she recognizes we have something special, and she doesn't want to lose it. But she seems to have no idea how to make me feel loved and get our relationship working. It's such a shame that I had to come this far to learn that.
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by thed00t
If a girl doesn't like you for sharing your emotions, and that is something you do, then she doesn't like YOU. This means she shouldn't be together. Sorry pal, it's just better off that way. Find a girl that likes you for you and not some charecter you are playing.
|
quoted for truth. time to move on. any girls want to come to my place and give me a blowjob to get my mind off things? k, thanks.
Twas a long post. Not sure if anyone will actually read all of it, and I'm not sure if I'm actually looking for advice at this point, but it's healthy to type it out anyway.