abaya

Moskie, what would happen if you just said, "Hey, I feel hurt by what you just said." Not having to articulate or analyze anything, but just to stop her process of making demands and tell her, in an uncritical way, that her words caused you to feel some pain. Then, assuming she is mature enough to stop and say, "Oh no, I didn't mean for that to happen. Why did that hurt you?" (instead of getting defensive, which is a natural but immature reaction), hopefully you can tease out what trigger she hit when she made that decision and announced it to you. That is, to work out your hurt feelings out loud, through discussion, rather than internalizing it and expecting the woman to read your mind (can you read HER mind? do you like it when you're expected to read her mind? same goes for women getting a clue about men, my friend).

There's no other way for two people to understand each other's triggers... you've got to communicate about them in a non-accusing, dialogue-inducing manner, until the power from the reaction has been defused. If the feelings (e.g. anger) are too strong to discuss them in the moment, then wait a bit... but not too long, or the moment for learning more about each other, becoming more emotionally intimate, will pass. And those are the little moments when resentment builds... and builds...

As for "girls being girls?"... guys get defensive and hurt in a jiffy, too, as you've just explained about yourself. Phrasing things nicely is a key part of communicating helpfully, if you ask me, and it cuts across gender. It's just plain courtesy, rather than being snarky and defensive when feeling hurt. Tone is a huge part of reacting to someone hurting you; they're a lot more likely to be apologetic and understanding of what they did wrong, if you're telling them honestly that you're hurt rather than snapping at them in an accusatory tone.

Anyway, just me 2 cents, blathering on as usual... but let us know how it goes.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran