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Old 11-14-2006, 08:16 PM   #9 (permalink)
abaya
 
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Location: Iceland
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moskie
What will happen, is that when something is said or done that upsets me, I instantly am able to feel that I'm upset, but I can't instantly find the words to express why. I have to sit and think about it for a second (or a day) and figure what was done that actually upset me. By that time, the moment has passed, and it doesn't feel appropriate to bring it up.
This is precisely the problem... I have a difficult time understanding why anyone would need hours, or days, to simply express how he or she feels in reaction to some stimulus/trigger. Feel it, then say it... though saying it in a considerate manner is extremely helpful for communication and the sake of the other person's feelings.

Personally, I'm with ShaniFaye... communication of feelings goes both ways, regardless of gender, and should not be delayed by time simply because one has a penis. On the other hand, making emotional demands of someone without *being* there reciprocally for him (or her) when needed, is NOT what all humans with a vagina do. That's just wrong. It has nothing to do with genitalia and everything to do with how you were raised to communicate, what examples you had in your parents, and what you now believe to be an effective mode of being emotionally intimate with another person. All of those things interact with each other at unpredictable levels, and are very difficult to change once they're set, unfortunately. I would only agree with Sage so far as to say that women are often raised to believe it's *expected* to be selfish/demanding, whereas men are raised to believe it's *right* to be the provider... but those are entirely socially-constructed gender roles, and thus they CAN be changed. If both people are willing.

For the record, I am a woman and have never had a mani/pedi, I cut my hair when I remember (about twice a year, usually for as cheap as I can get away with), and have probably spent $500 on all my shoes in the last 10 years, total. Clearly, we are not all the same creature!
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