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my mother told me years ago good sex is 10% of a good relationship. Bad sex is 90% of a bad relationship. Sex isn't everything, but sex and intimacy are so closely linked for so many people that it is a big thing. I dont think a letter is the way to go at all. What you say in that letter sounds ok, but it needs to be verbal face-to-face.
My bet here is that she is not immature at all. Sounds to me like something real bad happened to her and she is not willing to lose any control. She may also be finding a difficulty with finding a bridge between sex and intimacy. This is a major issue and if I'm right, she needs a lot of therapy.
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