Strange Famous

But TFP is prolly the only location I would want to say this....

I dont know how to start this or say this, without it coming across wrong or like some kind of sympathy play... but well

I didnt have the worst childhood and nor did I have a happy one. Objectively, I dont "like" either of my parents. When I think of them, when I think about some things they are responsible for, I just well up with hate... but I cant seem to hold onto it. Genes, or love, or sympathy, or something seems to feel stronger in me. I really dont know if this makes me strong, or good, or weak, or just sentimental... but I wasnt trying to just make a thread about hating my parents or not. I spent some time in state care growing up, and most of the time with my parents, and however it went I wasnt damaged in anyway that I could say is affecting me now without my own consent.

But... the last 6 months my mother has gotten ill. She has been diabetic for about 20 years, and has had bad health for a few years. I found out a a couple of months ago that she attempted suicide two years ago and was very close to dying...but now she is having problems with her heart... idk if its gonna be soon, or... I just am starting to feel like she is on her way out - I saw her last month, and she just looks so much smaller than I remember (and I know Im a bigger man than I was before, but...)

I guess.... Im just hitting the point where my parents mortality is becoming a reality rather than an idea... and I dont know how I feel, and I just dont feel good about it at all

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas