warrrreagl

AH! The drunk-driving goggles....he he

They brought out a police golf cart and set up a driving course with little tiny orange traffic cones. It was basically a giant square course with a few horseshoe turns inside, and we were supposed to drive the course while staying in between the cones. Plus, we had to wear goggles which would simulate drunk driving.

Grancey and I do not drink - our total alcohol consumption for a year might total 2 glasses of wine, 2 margaritas, and 2 beers each. The police chief (who is the guy leading many of the classes) told us that people who drink and drive regularly do very fairly well with the goggles, and the police could always tell who the drunk drivers were by their performance on the course. In other words, this is a test you want to fail.

The first few people were weaving and swerving all over the place, turning too soon, veering outside the cones, etc. We were all dying with laughter. Then came my turn.

First, they hold the keys to the golf cart out in front of you and make you grab them, and I went right to them. No problem. Then, as I started to drive, I noticed that what I was looking at simply resembled each and every time I've ever driven really tired late at night. When I drive like that my vision seems to get reduced into a tunnel vision, and that was my solution to the goggles - stare straight out the middle and forget the peripherals. It worked. I did much better than anyone else although I still hit a bunch of cones. Grancey said the chief was teasing her about my secret drunk driving skills while she was trying to explain to him that we don't drink. Yeah right, lady.

Then came Grancey. She did even better than I did, hitting only six cones throughout the entire course. Dumbfounded, they threw a final test at her when she finished the course. "Uh uh, ma'am, keep those goggles on," they said when she climbed out of the golf cart. I thought they were about to give her a field sobriety test, which would have been cool. Instead, they held the keys out directly in front of her again. "See these?" they said. "Yes," she answered. The chief then dropped them on the ground and said, "Now pick them up." Grancey was so smooth. She went right down, grabbed the keys, and stood back up. Noooooo comment from the police.

Did you ever see the episode of WKRP where Johhny Fever takes the drunk driving test and actually gets better the more he drinks? That's how the police were looking at the both of us.

Cool.

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