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Really? Do you really believe that a feeling of helplessness, of having no power to alter or improve your situation is liberating?
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Yes, perhaps unique to my own personal pyschology, but I believe so. There are things I can change, and there things I can't change. If I have no power to change something, it should NOT be a concern of mine. If it is unchangeable, or if I can incapable of changing it, why should I even think about it? Focusing on things I cannot change has proved extremely useless in the length of my life. Focusing on things I
can change, however, has been beneficial.
In regards to your very well-written post above, I think we clearly agree on the goal, but not the process required to reach that goal. I agree with most of what you've said, but I hope to detail why I believe this "solution" to be quite easy below.
* Have you ever had something come so easily to you that it was nearly second nature? You did it with such ease that it seemed entirely trivial?
* With the understanding that you do it well, have you also recognized the ability of someone else to do the same, with minimal assistance, or instruction?
*Given the same person as above, how would you feel or behave if they claimed they couldn't do it? Claimed that it was too difficult? You know that you can do it, and you know that they can do it quite easily with dedication.
Keep in mind, again, that you've done it yourself and you've seen others do it with ease.
My reaction would be to buckle at the notion that it should be difficult for them, and work to convince them that it was
not as difficult as they percieved. There's a multitude of ways to convince them of such - the most effective for me has been to make them (a) clearly identify their percieved 'problem' (b) make THEM provide the solution to THEIR problem. In such a way, it's internalized - much as you've described above.
Alternatively, I've had success (even personally) with forcing or being forced to do something I think is difficult. While I might still suck, my vision of "difficulty" erodes greatly with each attempt.
What is your reaction?
The reason for my reaction came about through the same learning mechanism as you've detailed above. I've "learned" that making the task difficult is the first defense mechanism invoked by someone not dedicated to change. If they make it difficult, they can persuade themselves they are incapable. It's avoiding cognitive dissonance, just as you've detailed above. They believe they are not suited for difficult problems, and therefore make all problems they don't know how to solve difficult.
Subconciously, I believe it's quite simple.
"I know I have a problem. I see other people without a problem. It must be incredibly difficult to get rid of this problem, or I wouldn't still have it."
If they admit that it's easy, they admit that (a) they aren't trying hard enough or (b) they're not good at doing things that are easy. Admitting either of these would be very difficult - cognitive dissonance, indeed.
In short, my belief is that the first step to removing self-esteem and self-image concerns is not to develop intricate methods, see therapists, take drugs, or otherwise plot your path to success. It is to convince yourself that the transition is
not difficult but will take dedicated effort.
I believe that the largest barrier between one's current state and one's desired state is the mentality the transition would be difficult. I'd be lying if I said I was surprised by your rebuttal - not that you think you're incapable, but that you think I've oversimplified the problem or made it too easy.
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People with self-image problems and related disorders do see such judgments as relevant, and learning to balance what is and is not reasonable is not an easy or straightforward process. Those feelings are real and powerful, sometimes overwhelmingly so.
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I would never deny that the feelings are real, powerful, or overwhelming. However, the first step is changing "difficult" to "easy, but requiring dedication."
Pretty soon it becomes "easy" and then "so easy I don't even realize I do it."