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There are general rules and specific rules.
Soft swap is a general rule, and a common one. Its how most people start and some people are happy just with that for multiple reasons.
Rules about what you and your spouse can do which are in great detail or worse, different for both spouses (and almost always the wife is the one 'limited') are potential drama bombs and should be avoided.
As for the swing community being small, it is small at a local level. Its not like this is a union where having members across the country matter. Even in chicago the number of local swingers is limited. There may be 1000's on the websites but when the posers, fakes, no longer interested, just looking, etc are sifted out you will find the same core group of people. Then add the people you are interested in for whatever reason and its in fact a small group. This is something we have dabbled in for a number of years, and you see the same people.
Oddly the multi-rule people don't seem to last a year, or they really are not interested in swinging. I'd guess about 70% of the adds are posers, people wanting to wing but to afraid to meet, or people whos standards to not match their own looks. This is just an observation of mine and a few of our long term friends.
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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host
Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.
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