View Single Post
Old 10-03-2006, 10:55 AM   #20 (permalink)
Yakk
Wehret Den Anfängen!
 
Location: Ontario, Canada
For a different approach...

People are a game.

The first rule of the game is learn to "rub blue mud in your bellybutton".

The second rule of the game is "don't do anything you want to not do".

The third rule of the game is "collect all 6.5 billion".

The forth rule of the game is "it is about high score, not broad score".

Ok, let's back up.

Rule #1: Blue mud.

Most of human social interaction isn't extremely profound. It is people sharing simple rituals, demonstrating that they both know the social rules, and spending time with each other. The goal of this interaction is "getting to know other people" -- not as a list of facts, but at the gut-level understanding you can get from spending time with people.

"Blue mud in the belly button" refers to any arbitrary act of expected social behaviour. You do it because by doing it you demonstrate you are part of that social group, or at least you understand the rules.

Understanding the rules is important -- because people are dangerous and unpredictable. People who are following the rules are much safer. This demonstration of rule following is important, not something trivial to be ignored.

Rule #2: Don't do anything you want to not do.

Lot's of nots there, eh? You could be tempted to remove them -- then you end up with "do what you want to do". But that isn't what this rule is saying.

If there is something you actively do not want to do -- hurt other people, cheat, steal, eat peanut butter -- don't do it. Even if it is part of the blue mud of your social group -- don't replace your own identity and morals with that of the group.

At the same time, if it is just something that isn't what you want to do -- go ahead, it is a way to spend time and bond. Playing pool? You may not want to play pool, but do you want to not play pool? They are very different things.

Rule #3: Collect all 6.5 billion.

Be friendly with everyone. There really isn't much benefit in being surley -- keep your options open. Have a broad pool of aquantances you interact positively with, and when interacting with strangers be polite, friendly, and open.

If you have a broad pool of friends, then misplacing some (or having to drop some because they become gits) is not all that painful.

Rule #4: High score, not broad score

Do attempt to ladder your friendship with some people upwards. The traditional way to ladder friendships upwards is known as "reciprocal revelation" -- one of you signals a wish to bump the friendship upwards with a bit of "intimacy", and the other responds. Keep your eyes open for these openings, and occasionally offer openings to other people.

If your offer of laddering up the friendship is ignored, then don't repeat yourself immediately -- wait a period of time, try offering other people openings, and (if you want to repeat it) only after a reasonably long period of time repeat the offer. Your goal here is to form "good friends" with someone.

Keep in mind that refusal of "openings" given by other people will tend to generate the same response -- if you refuse friendship laddering up from someone repeatedly, they will stop trying to ladder up the friendship.

Rule #5: There are no rules

The above "rules" are just reminders of what kind of actions you need to engage in to form a social group. The point of the rules is practice -- your goal isn't to cold-bloodedly follow some automatic script, but rather to practice the kinds of behaviours that make things come naturally.

If rules could be made for social interaction, we'd have robots passing the Turing Test. But by having rules and things to keep in mind, you give your brain a framework to work in, and give yourself a chance to practice your ability in making new friends, strengthening friendships, keeping your own identity strong, and in general getting rid of the entire "I'm boooored" problem.
__________________
Last edited by JHVH : 10-29-4004 BC at 09:00 PM. Reason: Time for a rest.
Yakk is offline  
 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360