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Originally Posted by xCss
Hi,
I need some feedback on what i'm about to post, or i might need to go see a shrink. No jokes please.
Okay, i moved to this new country for studies. And i am now living in the dorm, where the dining ( for all meals really ) area is where ppl group up and 'socialise'. The thing is, i don't really feel like talking much, and everyone seems to know each other already, so i usually find a relatively empty table to sit at. Well, the place is kinda full, so i end up sitting at a full table anyway. So the chatter begins. But i find the stuff that ppl talk about r so boring and pointless. Stuff like 'why is there onion in my soup?' or 'i like urban dictionary, it has cheesy in it' or 'hmm, this doesnt taste like chicken, haha'. the conversation goes no where, and the topics are usually stuff u dont even talk about. its like they all have 'low latent inhibition' or whatever and start talking about the very crumb on the table. its like this everyday for lunch and dinner, and i tend to just stay quiet and smile when they make some lame jokes and talk about something 'new' they discovered.
So then i've been thinking, or noticing, the ppl i usually sit with must think im an oddball. or at least i feel like one. i dont even always say 'bye' when i leave the table anymore. im starting to avoid them, and they wouldnt sit with me if they had a choice. and its this feeling that hurts. i dont care if i dont have anyone to talk, im fine with that. but i kind of mind what others think of me. and now im stuck in between. is it my fault? im already planning to take late dinners just so i dont have to feel the same way at the table again. i made acquaintances, but not friends. i just dont feel like talking, especially when the subject is so boring. maybe its just that i find things boring and unstimulating? i dont really wanna go on like this for the remaining months here, its torturing. im not sure if u understand what i mean. i was always the quieter type, tho not like now, cuz i had the same bunch of frens in the same school all the way to college. but im usually alone at home and stuff, so i end up the quieter one in a group. im fine with that, but how do people perceive me? its not funny when u spend everyday of the year alone. its depressing, especially when ppl give u that look like they're saying 'its him again'.
Its kind of like that one guy who said ' Even in a crowd, i feel lonely.'
thanks for reading.
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Hmm, sounds like you might have a major case of the "I am betters then you" syndrome.
Look, if you dno't want to fit in, people will see this right away, and make sure you don't. Not only that, they will make you feel as out of place as you make them feel.
Yes, I said make them feel. People are rather self concious when you get right down to it,nd also see more then you think. If you think what they talk about is boring and somehow beneath you, they will see that. Oh you may not be thinking "This is beneath me" but they will think that. People hate nothing more then someone in their midst who is withdrawn. It makes them think you feel your better then they are, else why are you not talking to them.
The bottom line is yes, you are 100% percent responsible. For one, not having the foresight to know or care about your classmates needs. So, you find what they talk about boring, so what? You have to conform to a certain point if you want to fit in. It sounds like you want the fitting in part without actually having to do the work to get it. Sorry Charlie, it doesn't work that way. Fitting in is not easy for some people, that's why you have to make that extra effort.
Yeah, you should be able to do your own thing, and not be snubbed, made to feel out of place. However from these other peoples perspective, isn't that what youre doing to them, making them feel out of place. Sorry, but I think I would snub you to, and if you think your thughts and feelings about them and what they talk and how they talk are not apparent to them, your dead wrong. That you don't realize tihs fact shows just how little respect you have for their intelligence, it's certanly apparent to me, and I am not even there, imagine how well they must seeit, and how it makes them feel.
Give them more credit for one, and stop ebing such a dillituant. Communicate with them on their level, and then maybe they will feel inclined to communicate with you on yours, which is not as high as you may think. Certainly not as high as you belive it to be, not if you could not figure this out for yourself. I am not trying to be mean, but you really do need some realism injected into your life, and your opinion of yourself. Only then will you grow and become the person you wish to be.
Get off of your high horse, or throne, ivory tower, whatever euphimism suits you most, and lower yourself to talking with them about the most boring of things. Once your able to get past your obvious cynicism and scorn, you may find you enjoy it. It has been my experience that the kind of superior intellectual detachment with which you are viewing them and their words is often just a mask for ones own insecurity, and tends to be a defense mechanism to keep others from getting to close. I think you need to ask yourself some hard questions, because no, the problem is not them.