When you break it down semantically, I don't think we're really talking about being "self-conscious." I'm self-conscious, but I'm not constantly berating myself for being fat, ugly, unintelligent, etc. That's negative self-talk. To me, being self-conscious is simply knowing your
realistic limits, physically and mentally, and working around them.
Negative self-talk is really the problem here. Its when you continue to re-affirm your negative beliefs about yourself by repetition. As humans, we learn things very well be repetition. We learn rules, cultural norms, and obey laws because of repetition. We've had them drilled into us enough times and/or had the punishments inflicted enough times that we remember not to do it in the future. If you've ever tried to teach someone, you soon realize that the most
universally applicable method is simply to repeat the lesson (albeit in different forms) until the concept is learned. In the same way, negative self-talk lets us repeat over-and-over the negative things about ourselves until we believe them.
If I told myself 50 times a day that I was ugly, I'd not only start to believe it, but I'd start to act it. It's sad, really.
When I worked at a sales company, one day of training was focused on "being a good salesman." A well-dressed and presumably effective salesman came in and told us his routine - every morning he would look in the morning and tell himself how great he was. "I AM a great salesman. And damn, I look good too." He said it took him about 5 minutes in the morning, but it made a world of difference. When he didn't do it, he'd have a horrible day at work. When he did do it, a minor setback like a customer who got angry with him wouldn't cause any major disturbance. He knew he was still a good salesman.
Although the job was wretched, I at least owe some of my positive outlook to training like that. People are only as happy as the decide to be. If I decide I'm going to have a bad day and that I'm fat - I will be.
All that said, I'll close with some random advice on a Google search for preventing negative self talk:
Quote:
1. Personalize your affirmations with with words like "I," "me," and "my." You can't always control circumstances or other people, so make your affirmations about what you can control---yourself. Make your affirmations state your own goals, wants, and values---not someone else's.
2. Some authors say affirmations are best stated in the present tense, because, if affirmations are in future tense ("I will...") your subconscious mind feels no urgency to act NOW. If you feel hypocritical stating affirmations in the present tense (as in "I am slender and healthy") then state your affirmations as a process (as in "Each day I am become more slender and healthier.")
3. Make your affirmations believable and realistic so that you can say them with sincerity. Begin with small, easily achievable goals, and work your way up to bigger accomplishments. "My self control is perfect." is probably more believable as "I have self-control most of the time."
4. State affirmations in the positive. To say "I don't eat fatty foods," only focuses your attention on the behavior you want to avoid. Instead say "I eat nutritious foods."
5. Make affirmations short and easy to remember. Catchy slogans stay with us longer than essays.
6. Repeat your positive affirmations often and positive thinking will become routine.
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In addition, I think anyone who admitted being self-conscious in this thread would benefit from my virtual version of the mirror example above. Post here:
http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=109153.