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Being that I handle cats everyday as part of my job and the five I have of my own I totally know what you are talking about.
The thing is when it comes to doing something to them that you NEED to do but they don't want you to, I throw the whole 'gentle' thing out the window. They need to understand that you are the boss and that is all there is to it. If this means that you hold them a little tighter then they like, so be it.
I have found that for clipping the nails in particular it requires two people and one must strongly hold the scruff while the other clips. Sometimes the towel thing works, but I have found that this only makes them more mad. Like I said though, don't hesistate to be strict with them and let them know that you mean business. Petting and consoling them will do no good in situations where you need to have them do what you want. Cats are VERY independant and strong willed, it is up to you to overcome that part of their personality.
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