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Originally Posted by Jozrael
Alrighties, it's a self-diagnosis, not a clinical diagnosis, and many of your points are true.
However, I think you misinterpret how it affects my daily interactions. I enjoy many friendships with gay and bisexual people (no lesbians just for the fact that I do not know any, I have no problem with them, however) - I actually enjoy their company moreso at times because I find them more emotionally expressive, on the whole. This is not to say I neglect my friendships with straight people of both genders.
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Goodness, did you think I was criticizing your daily treatment of others? If so, I aploogize for whatever I might have said to imply that. I was trying to understand exactly what you meant by homophobia, and defining what that means. You made a comparison to clinical phobias, so I explored what those were for a bit to show the difference.
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However, when we're on the subject of sexuality, and they are talking about non-heterosexual exploits, my stomach does a sort of twist, as if it knows something is wrong.
I know NOTHING is. But my gut just keeps on sending up flags.
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Well that's not necessarily indicative of homophobia, in either sense that I defined it, or if it is, it's a pretty mild form of it. Nearly everyone has that sort of reaction to some sexual acts. It certainly doesn't indicate prejudice of any sort.
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I ignore these because I know that I am homophobic - not NEARLY to the extent you described, nor do I let it affect my social interactions in the slightest. The worst offense I have against the GLBT community is that I occasionally slip up and use the word 'gay' as a negative reference to something. My gf pointed out that I did this and I try extremely hard not to anymore.
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Ok, first, I didn't describe you as homophobic, you did that, and I just reread my post and don't see my doing that there. I discussed what homophobia is, and what clinical phobias are and asked the questions I asked in an attempt to learn a little bit more about your position.
Taking steps not to use "gay" as an epithet is a very positive thing. I applaud you for that.
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I -do- think my homophobia is okay. It's something I cannot change - I have tried many times in the past, and still try today. Why would I want to have a problem with people who are the closest of my friends, heck, why would I want to feel uneasy when my gf talks about some of the things close to her heart? I would love to be able to share completely in them with her, to accept her 100%. I really dislike my homophobia.
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Here's the thing. You don't have to be comfortable with everything about your friends to be friends with them, to even be a good friend. There's nothing wrong with being a little uncomfortable with sex talk involving sex acts that don't appeal to you.
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But that doesn't mean I consider it wrong. It's a part of me, just like your sexuality is a part of you. I would never think of being prejudical against any member of the GLBT community based on their sexual orientation - it'd be a bit hypocritical, don'tcha think?
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Yeah. But that doesn't stop people from dividing the world into us vs. them, even withing subcultures that would be better off being a unified front. I know lesbians who reject transwomen as not being real women. I know straight transwomen who oppose gay rights. I've known butch lesbians who consider femmes to be somehow less gay than they. It's irrational and hypocritical, but it happens. Strongly expressed homophobia can be a reaction to repressed homosexual desires.
Please note, I'm not describing you here.
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Btw, if it isn't already obvious, no to every single one of your questions at the end - I'd be perfectly happy to interact socially with you, even befriend, because you seem like a caring individual. But if the conversation turned to your relationship with your wife, I would feel a tad uneasy, and would just suppress that feeling. I doubt you would know I was uneasy unless I told you.
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That's good to hear
. I don't, by the way, discuss sexual matters regarding my wife Grace in person. Here, sure, that's part of why I come here, to talk about sexuality. In an in-person interaction, you'd know I was a lesbian and married to another woman, and that would be it.
To make this absolutely clear, the purpose of those questions was not to be accusatory. You had described your homophobia in terms of clinical phobias, and I was trying to determine if that description really fit. It doesn't. If this were a clinical phobia, you would find it difficult merely to be around homosexuals, to be in the presense of them, and would find interaction with them anxiety inducing.
There's really no need to defend what you describe as your homophobia as being ok. It does seem to cause you a little distress, so you might need to work on that, but it doesn't affect how you treat others. I find homophobia morally repugnant, but you aren't homophobic in either sense that I describe above.
The way you treat your friends earns my respect.
Gilda