Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Dungeon_Shade
I've thought that for twenty years now, and I haven't gotten a damn thing out of it. I'm not at the point that I want to commit suicide, but I definitely could, if I'm everyone's doormat, like I always have been.
|
I was a doormat for a long time. I was a people pleaser and put everyone's happiness over my own. So much so, that I got a degree and started a career that I didn't want because of my mom. This led me into a miserable life and suicide was comtemplated often.
You wanted advice. Unfortunately, I don't really know you, only a situational part of you, so advice is difficult for me to give. I can tell you what I did and that will be my 2 cents.
First, I got pissed. I was so mad that I was living for everyone else and not for myself. I did go to therapy. My family got extremely mad because "Therapy is for losers and wimps that can't handle life." Well, whatever, it helped me see things clearer because I could talk to someone that had no connection in my life or any stakes in my decisions in the future. Then, I started standing up to people. I started with people close to me. At first, I felt like the biggest bitch. What I found out was that what seemed bitchy to me was still nice. In my new career, I had to get a backbone and I had to tell people like it was and not sugar-coat it. This has been more beneficial than anything.
However, at the point you are at now, you need to learn to put yourself first more and not other people. Pleasing others is not your goal. People are responsible for their own happiness. This does not mean that you can't be nice. But you do have to understand that not everyone is going to be nice back at you. And those people...well you need to learn to say 'Fuck them' and move on. I would also suggest talking to someone. Role-playing is good for learning to be more assertive. There are also books available that you can check out. If you want to improve yourself to be happier, you have to do it on your own and put effort in it. No one else can change you and it's not going to happen overnight. Good luck!
Oh and by the way, there are still people out there who like random waves and opened doors. It always makes me feel good when a guy lets me out of the elevator first, lets me get on the bus ahead of him, and opens a door for me. Hmmm...of course that means I'm walking ahead of them, maybe they just want to watch me walk away.
