I think your options hinder on this paragraph:
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Well, we came to an understanding, after long conversations about sexuality, marriage, commitment etc., we came to the understanding that our ideal is the traditional marriage, but that making unrealistic promises to only ever sleep with one another is foolishness. No one could ever promise that. To promise that means to say that you can see into the future and you know that there is no possible circumstance under which you would ever have sex with someone other than your chosen mate. It's just pure, traditionalist stupidity to me. I wish I had seen it that clearly before.
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If you feel that this accurately describes you, your wife, and your relationship with her, then you really only have two options. First, ignore this sentiment, and lie to yourselves and to each other about your (in)fidelities. This will most likely end up creating a huge distance between you two, eventually ending up in seperation and possibly hatred for one another.
The second is what you're doing. Which involves being honest and caring to one another. You're accepting each other's faults as human beings, and minding the other's feelings while you're doing it. I think with this route you're more guaranteed to find happiness in the end. You guys aren't going to be horny and sleeping around when you're elderly, so do what you gotta to do to get there. You might might have to roll with some punches along the way (like dealing with The Weasel), but it's better than lying to each other.