Quote:
|
Originally Posted by ktspktsp
Hi GP,
Well, whatever you make out of your marriage is up to the two of you. I don't really see the use in trying to come up with a term that defines what you have.. It just is your marriage.
I have to say though, I feel that through this thread you're trying to justify your current choices. I'm wondering why you feel the need to do that (just curious).
On another point, I can't help but wonder if that is what you want, or what you end up having to do because of her needs. The fact that she kept 'dating' someone you didn't like, and then slept with him too, is a bit odd. However, even if you're doing this because it's what she wants, that's not wrong either. It's just your decision.
I would be curious though if she would be really non-jealous if you actually did sleep with somebody else. Something for you to find out at some point, possible.
Good luck with your marriage, in any case  |
Well, I am not trying to justify it. I don't try to justify much, ever. But I do want to write about it and communicate with like-minded people, just so I can figure it all out.
I don't think definitions are that important, in and of themselves, but we do need names for things so that we can cummincate. We as people, I mean. Let's say one day she and I decided to go to a Meetup for like-minded people. Do we go to the polyamorous Meetup? I don't think so. I don't think our mariage is necessarily polyamorous, per se. It has the potential to get that way from time to time and then return to normal, but we aren't polyamorous, I don't think. Not by my understanding of the definition. That is why I wanted to make a post about it.
What was your other point? (checks)
Oh yeah: She didn't know I didn't like the guy. In fact, she once said something like "Well that was back when you liked ****." And I said, "I never liked that motherfucker. I always knew he was a snake in the grass."
And your point about it being what I really want, or if it's what I feel must happen to preseerve our marriage and keep her happy. I reworded what I think you meant. If that isn't what you meant, please correct me.
It started out as the latter and evolved into the former. At first, I told her that if that is what she needs from time to time, to have a fling, then I am willing to pay that price. And of course, she was crying saying she would never do it again and all this business. But later, after hours long conversations and many tears, and actually some laughter at that poor bastard ****'s expense (he had a small dick and was a dud in bed) we finally came to this arrangement.
What actually happened was that we realized that we had had something of an open marriage all along. The only difference is that now it's official. And now there are ground rules. And now, the jealousy is not an issue.
I was never that much of a jealous person before anyway. She has always been flirty and it never bothered me. She would flirt with guys right in front of me, and it never bugged me at all. But when she started actually dating this fucker. Well, that bugged me. And of course, her having sex with him was enraging to think about. But as I said, I can't imagine us going back to what we were before as individuals or to what our marriage was before.